Oh no you didn't

"Hey, there's Big J!"

"Bryn, we call him Jesus."

2009 sidebar: I have officially posted more entries for 2009. Check.

Today is a yellow day

Looking at my closet, I realized I go through color phases. Meaning I subconsciously gravitate toward a particular color and then buy items in its varying shades.

Since college, this is my color wave and I have a few pieces left from each phase (in order):
Navy blue
Brown
Gray
Blue
Green (this was a long phase)
Black
And now: Purple.

I have about 6 different shirts in varying degrees of purple that I love to wear. Funny, huh?

this week sidebar: it is almost over. shew. Ry and Christy come (hopefully) tonight. I'm ready for this week to be over and to enjoy the weekend and next week...that currently seems to be footloose and fancy.

A festivus for the rest of us

Last night was the festivus and it was a good thing Aaron was out of town because it went till midnight. We decided next year it will be a PJ festivus. I love my friends and it was a really great time. What's in a festivus? Well first we:

• Aired our grievances with one another.
• Competed in a feats of strength contest (kendra is the official tough girl)
• White Elephant exchange (of which I got a smoke'n hot painter's bib)
• Parted with a 7/11 party favor game

it sounds like a lot of games, well because it was, but there was plenty of chatting and treats in between.

Good times, good times.

That is some smooth scat'n

Aaron's parents came this past weekend and it was a whirlwind of fun. The gingerbread house that the girls built with grannie and pa is now in ruins from little snitching fingers. I couldn't be mad about this because I remember snitching candy off our gingerbread houses growing up and it was all part of the fun. The girls are missing them desperately and now we need to figure out when we're going to head to CA this year.

Aaron just realized this morning that he's going to lose about two weeks of vacation come new year. He needs to be better about using his vacation. At Internap, I used every last drop of PTO. It is a crime against relaxation to not use it all.

Festivus sidebar: I'm having my girl's night Festivus tonight. We're going to do feats of strength and more. Should be good times. I've got a bit of scatting still left to do to get ready. And the post office might ruin me. swine post.

It's a big hat, it's funny

Aaron broke his toe. Synchronize swimming. To the nutcracker. At the ward party. He broke his toe during his first dive on a ladder and still finished the routine. It was his big toe. He chipped the bone; we'll see if he needs surgery. This really isn't his year.

She's lecturing me about family?

"Yeah it's okay to run around in circles as long as it's with family."

two men enter, one man leaves

Aaron and I have struggled with the Christmas tree for years now. We both grew up with real Christmas trees and we've had one every year we've been married...including this year. But the past few years, we struggle with the sensible argument to suck it up and buy a fake tree and a pine-scented candle. Both Faveros and Wilsons have made the switch. And the fake tree makes lots of sense, but it just isn't Christmas. We found a fake tree this year, and luckily they had a box problem, so we didn't buy it. But we're planning on it and I'm sure it will be a big fun tree.

To let the kids put their ornaments up, Aaron bought a small Charlie Brown live tree and we put it in the book room. We let the kids decorate it however they liked with colored lights and all. Martha Stewart would not approve. It's perfect. And Lauren read under the light of the small tree tonight. There's magic even in the small trees. The book room smells like heaven: pine and books.

Do I really need a big fun fancy "Mom's" tree? I'm content to settle under the Charlie Brown with the girls and poke fingers at the colored lights.

How's your portfolio looking?

Yes, it's that time of year again when I try to resolve my daddy-issues of wanting to set goals for next year. I'm cutting back drastically on my to do's and setting goals of keeping it simple. Like cutting back the kids' extras so they have time to play with friends. This has been very troubling to Lauren who feels she isn't getting enough friend time. What T TH isn't enough? Noted.

Another goal is just to focus. I like to throw everything into the air and then catch what I can. This year, I'm going to throw one ball at a time and see where that gets me. Probably the same amount of goals reached, but more managable and less stressful.

I need to trim the fat in a lot of ways. For example, I buy things that are useful but not necessary. I have a goal to cut out the unnecessary (this is going to be a tough one for me.) I'm already eyeing a second christmas tree. And that's my problem. A kid's tree is fine. I don't need a fake tree...at least not until after christmas when they're 50% off.

Anyway, these are just early thoughts. I'm going to make a smokin' hot checkbox list later.

thanks madden

"Well you see, he knows when you are sleeping. And, Mom, he knows when you're awake."

denver sidebar: it is a freezing 5 degrees today and snowing...and somehow they didn't call a snowday. The school was a mess this morning. Who was the genius that thought we should keep the schools open today? I plan on hunkering down with the kids and folding laundry.

mu-nu-mu-nu

"Mom, I want a morange for munch."

"Got it Morgan."

Later in the car, I hear coughing from the backseat.

"Ava, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm super okay."


Aaron sidebar: rest at ease, Aaron does not read my blog. And if he did? (Which would be shocking because he's shown no interest for blogs.) We already discussed the TV, so it isn't a big surprise...but I do have something that is. wink, wink, nudge, nudge, you know what I mean.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

I was flogged today. If you want to read the first page of my battered middle grade novel, go here. Ray gave me tons of good feedback and I need to watch my overwriting.
cheers.

Would you turn the page?

The PA crackles and I wake from my stupor. I nudge my friends sitting next to me on the bench and we exchange amused glances. This is a first. I wonder what could be so impor— “Attention, attention,” a polite woman’s voice echoes through the tunnel platform, “there is a credible bomb threat to this station. The trains will not be stopping; please exit immediately.”

That’s never good. I hop up and pull my backpack over both shoulders. Stepping around other people, my friends and I weave down a corridor to the elevator. Others are talking around me. I don’t say a word. (That’s not like me.) I listen.

“Do you think it’s real?”

“That bus blew up last week, so yeah I think it’s real.”

“But no one was hurt on the bus; they gave the people enough warning to get off.”

“Yeah, but we’re in the pit of this station. Who’s to say how much time we have? They didn’t exactly tell us.”

I push the button to the lift. No light. I push it again. Nothing. A crowd presses behind us.

“Back up everyone,” my friend bellows, “the lifts aren’t working; we need to find the stairs.” Groans ripple around the crowd of commuters. We double-back and round the empty platform; there’s another corridor about thirty feet away. Dimly lit and stale, the new corridor reveals a maze of empty hallways. There isn’t an exit sign anywhere. Nothing is familiar. So which way?

[Would you turn the page of my personal essay for Segullah and want to read more? If not, what do I need to work on? Setting? Tone? Character? I need to turn in my entry by the end of the month. Any and all feedback is welcome.]

Natalie sidebar: do you remember this?

And I said, "No salt. No salt."

Today is one of those days where I got a lot done, have a little to show for it, and yet I'm still not looking forward to tomorrow.

Thursdays are killer marathon days. I'm packing in way too much stuff. My mantra for 2010: simplify, simplify, simplify.

And then I volunteered to make soup for RS tomorrow but I'm dreading it. So much so that I looked for premade soup at the store. I chickened out and I'm making the butternut soup...but I'm not happy about it and that might sour the flavor.

Danielson, show me paint the house

Show!

I'm painting the dining room tonight to surprise Aaron when he gets home. I have a two minute break right now between trim and rollers.

The color: Terra Cotta Tile (fancy jumble of words for orangeish-reddish)

[the color is not a shock to Aaron. We agreed on it weeks ago, I just found the time to do it...or more accurately, I made time.]

ut, ut, uh. Always look eye.

now it's just getting ridiculous

What is? My super human man strength power chi. I got it and it is all mine. Jealous? Let me illustrate:
Proof #1: I helped Aaron and my dad get a thick table into a truck...they asked me cuz they know I got it.
Proof #2: I helped Aaron move the ping pong table out of the truck and into the garage. That thing was heavy; he needed me.

small drum roll....tut tut.

Definitive Proof that I have ultra man strength; Proof #3: Today I got Aaron's Christmas present. A 46" man TV. Two men loaded it into the car. One woman loaded it out of the car and all the way into the house (including several stairs). The box was almost bigger than me and certainly wider and way heavier.

Now do you believe?

[Aaron is going to be blown away when he realizes I hauled it into the house. Although, I'm in a pickle now. I don't know where to hide it. I'm not taking it upstairs or down stairs. I might have to hide it in his office closet. This isn't a good spot but the stairs almost broke me getting it into the house.]

be cool

Stink'n Ava. The little pill has become the Pest of the West. She is scratching her 3-yr-old itch and it burns me every time. Today: we went to Code Yellow at Target. Yeah, there's a Code Yellow at Target if you lose your kid; they locked down the doors. One second I was buying yogurt, the next, Ava was gone. I was screaming her name in the store while she hid. Hide and Seek. And then when we found her, she ran when I was about two aisles away and it took us another two minutes to find her. She's now riding in a cart till she's four. I wanted to murder her and hug her guts out when I got to her.

This is the first time she's ever run away from me at the grocery store and now her privilege is revoked.

At the same time: complete relief.

I'm smiling; smiling is my favorite.

sneaky sneaky. If I type fast enough, I'll get this post in for November. Why is this important? Cuz I'm a goal-setter fool. My goal for this blog is to have more entries than last year. I'm lagging. I can feel I'll be quite chatty in December.

We just returned from Thanksgiving with the Parents in Utah. It was a great break and no one threw up...this is sometimes difficult when Wilsons get together.

Top Ten

1. Turkey, pie, and family...and garlic mash potatoes
2. Pop pop's brava with the hot chocolate
3. Best car ride ever through the Colorado mountains...Morgan didn't puke and no kids fought.
4. Wrapping up in my parents' posh snuggie. Oh yeah, give in to the power of the snuggie. They have them for dogs now too--ridiculous.
5. Sleeping in till 9a one morning...I forgot what 9a felt like in bed.
6. 2012 baby. This ridiculous thriller was everything it needed to be. two snaps.
7. The Peppermint Place and the park with the kids.
8. "No I'm good."--Morgan's new favorite phrase.
9. Chasing Lauren around on the carpet super charging our socks for shock battle. I won of course.
10. Kiersten and the funnel. This prank works every time.
11. Foosball with Amber. We need a rematch to determine a winner. The score: 1:1.

Bottom Five

1. Last hour of the car ride home...we almost ran out of gas only twenty minutes from home.
2. My heart attack...I mean heart burn. I've never had it so I thought I was a goner.
3. Aaron's uber nostalgia: we went to the BYU bookstore...I told him he's turning into his parents. Gift certs for his stocking.
4. The almost kitten-lick shower...not quite to Tobler standards yet, but close.
5. The missing Granato's and then the closed one.

mercy is for the weak

[a little back story]
After ripping Bryn and Ava off the Primary microphone several times while I was trying to clean up the room for the next ward, I had finally had enough and told both girls they were in timeout as soon as we got home. And of course it snowed five inches, so as we tromped out to the car, Ava is being especially slow and pesty. I finally grabbed her and threw her (not literally) in the car. My nerves are shot, I've got a cold coming on, and the girls are going wild.

Ava begins kicking her feet back and forth in the air throwing snow all over the car.

"Ava, you better cut that out."

She glares at me and I watch her from the rear view mirror. Her eyes narrow and a wicked grin spreads across her face. She kicks again. Harder. Snow sludge hits the back of my head.

"Ava, you want to up the ante? Then we will up the ante!"

Her feet stop kicking. The car is quiet and I turn on some music to drowned out my anger. A few minutes pass.

Then a soft whisper, "Mom, do not up the ante. I do not like the ante. Please, I love you mom."

I smile.

[end scene]

I can't feel the left side of my brain

"Mom, wake up!"

I was driving...fully awake and completely checked out. Thanks Bryn, I needed to check back in. I'm here now but I'm still fighting distraction. I'm on the computer instead of taking the girls to the park...well, now we're going. chow.

Alys sidebar: She had her baby boy this morning! Yahoo. 9 lber. Woo, that's a big boy. Baby is great but Alys went into surgery because she was bleeding. Cross your fingers and your prayers.

this class is ridiculous

I'm struggling to find my voice today...not literally, of course, but in general. My head is pounding with to-do's and I have no time for what I really want...or I'm too tired to make it. And then I thought I was going to get a break on Friday but just kidding, aaron reminded me we have a dinner with some friends. How I spaced it, I don't know?

On a sad note: Lore's teacher (from 1st grade) has two children. A week ago, she put her little 5 yr old to bed and the next morning he was dead. They don't know what caused it; they're waiting for an autopsy to find out. Devastating. As I tucked all my kids into bed tonight, I wondered: would I regret the way I treated them today, if they don't wake up tomorrow? My answer varied with each kid and there were not enough I-love-yous or I'm-so-proud-of-who-you're-becoming. Why is it so easy to be negative and to be neglectful of being positive?

and hooray, my little niece addy does not have a tumor. shew.

If you aren't first, you're last

A hundred years in the making...and now it is finally public. My Dad's company just went public with their infinite transmission technology. Check out the news articles:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705342187/Provo-company-innovating-engines.html

his website: http://moongears.com/

Go dad.

Help, I'm in a nutshell, I can't get out

This week has been insane: coordinating baptisms, kids, aaron out of town, taking the Cannon kids at 4am because their mom went into labor, kids, shuttling, starting school again, lots and lots of kids, joining nanowrimo, starting a new story, overtired sugar high kids, and barely any sleep. Ich muchte shlafen. Ich bin uber mude.

Cannon sidebar: he's adorable even if he still doesn't have a name...I still like topher.

BYU sidebar: we are officially super cougs. We're going to the football game this weekend in Wyoming with some friends. I might paint the happy helmet blue and put a target on it. One of our friends thinks we're going to get pummeled with beer cans. I say: bring it.

V sidebar: so abc brought back the 80's mega show: V. I loved this show as a child. Seriously, I was in love with Donavon. We watched the new remake last night: lame. Although, I do like Lost-girl. We've been catching random episodes late at night of the 80's V on SciFi channel: lame too. Seriously, why did I love this show? And why did I think Donavon was cool. He's an average looking camera man...turned renegade resistance leader bad ass...maybe he's still cool--but the new preacher isn't.

what does brown do for you?

As a child, my mother burned our breakfast so often it was the family joke that "we eat brownies for breakfast." Now as a mother, I realize that was a horrible thing for my father to teach us and taunt our mother. She wanted us to have a hot breakfast, but 5 kids under 6 compounded by getting us ready for school and everything else that goes wrong in the morning--it blows me away that my mom did it...even if it was a smidge burnt. (Our toast was literally black almost every time she tried...she would mass toast them in the oven on broil and then forget about them. Maybe that's why I prefer my toast darker than most.)

Why do I bring this up? Because to simply my life during the week, my children get these choices for breakfast: cereal, oatmeal (instant of course), or muffins/bread (if I made it the night before). That's it. Occasionally, I'll fry an egg but those are rare mornings.

Then on the weekend we usually make something more elaborate and hot. Last weekend was insane. Great fun but insane. And Halloween was a busy one. I decided to make some delicious apple pancakes for the girls and they were excited. I busted out the grill and flapped the jacks. But after the first batch, my pancakes got darker and darker...I would leave my grill to wipe faces, fill juice demands, cut pancakes, add more syrup, etc. So by the time the girls were finished and I made a short stack for Aaron in bed, I had to flip them upside down because clearly one side looked like a brownie. Despite all my efforts: brownies. And instantly, I could relate to my mother and felt horrible for teasing her about my brownie breakfasts. Thanks mom.

by the power of grayskull, I have the power!

Another reason I have super-human man strength. I just shovelled our driveway by myself. Three-car garage, two feet of snow. Can you deal with that? My arms feel like jelly. Of course Aaron went to buy a snow blower yesterday and they were sold out--true Aaron's luck. But yeah, we're investing in one. I don't need to run today, I just got a workout.

Oh and my friend was going to come over today with her kids. We had to abort the mission: she got stuck on the street about 100 yards from her house. They don't plow our neighborhood and it is crazy deep. I have to give her props for trying.

We're expecting another 6 inches today. Oh baby it is going to be a white halloween.

I forgot to mention...

Yesterday I tackled:

• getting children to smile for pictures.
• carving 4 out of six pumpkins.
• grading the amazing race...man, Mika is a tard.
• surviving four kids.
  
  And today it is snowing. We got 4 inches by breakfast and they're guessing another 5 by tonight. So I'm going to go shovel the walk for Aaron, because I'm cool like that.

commander sidebar: on days like today, I love my car.

I know, I feel the same way

Yesterday in primary. One of the six-yr-olds was asked to come and help in sharing time. He politely refused by saying, "I can't. I'm having a battle with Satan right now."

same ol same old

It snowed three inches yesterday; so after breakfast this morning, we dug out all the snow clothes and I shipped the kids outside. Sounds simple enough...but it wasn't. It took me thirty minutes to dress all the kids. I felt like the mom from A Christmas Story. They played outside for about an hour and then they defrosted over hot chocolate. I'm ready for winter, sorta--I've been loving our bike rides.

Well I better run. We have back-to-back late-overs tonight and tomorrow. And then Saturday, two parties and a BYU game that we're hosting. Ackkk. Entertaining is great for many reasons: house is clean, kids are entertained, friends, fun, yadda yadda yadda...I've got an hour before it all begins.

it burns us, it burns us

I'm infected with mediocrity.

she did what in the what?!!

BE WARNED: the following is not for the timid and may be too much information for everyone and anyone.

Today I went to the OBGYN for a pap and a much needed restock on birth control. I haven't been since we lived in Utah but come on, who really wants to go the the GYNO: no woman. No woman delights in the pap test. No one. So it was a new doctor and she came recommended. Everything went smoothly until we got to the "ducker" ... SERIOUSLY AVERT YOUR EYES, IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE FOLLOWING TRUTH... She inserts my friend and then I feel some awful tugging, so I look up and see the doctor over at the counter getting her swab, she left the ducker hanging from me. HANGING. I don't recommend this sensation. But the worst was not over: after manhandling my ovaries she says, "Do you mind if I stick a finger up your bum?"

I chuckle at first, and then realize she is completely serious. So I answer, "Yes, I do mind. I don't want anything up my bum. I've never had anything up my bum."

She responds at length about the necessity of the procedure and I finally relent. For ten violating seconds, I endured the most unpleasant experience. A hanging ducker was child's play at this moment. And all I could think about was: How do gay men enjoy this? sickies.

So there you have it, my most traumatic experience of 2009. Lessons learned, just say no.

My other clothes, they were stinky; these are my recreational pants

I have six pairs of jeans; this morning, I realized they are all dirty. How is this possible when I caught up on laundry last week? Each pair has been splattered by something disgusting--most from the mangy kid variety. It wasn't until today, when I put on some slacks (that's right, I used the word slacks; it is the most appropriate) that I realized I need some casual/non-jean/non-shhhhhweat pants. Who knew? ...well I do, now....because I'm wearing slacks.

All dressed up and only banal errands to run. I look like a working mom who had to run home to pick up her kids from daycare because they were throwing up or beating other children. I like dress pants, but not during the day: I just feel silly.

it's one of my favorite things

Public restrooms are a necessary evil. Potty-training children require them at all times. I've been to three already today: the police station (the library wasn't open yet), The Gap, and Target. I think my girls like to use the public bathrooms for the soap, which is disgusting on a different level. You know the smell: gross.

My top ten favorite smells:

1. a bookstore
2. a new book
3. cookies baking in an oven
4. an ocean breeze
5. hazelnut
6. the mountains
7. eucalyptus trees
8. basil
9. thyme
10. wassail

Tamp it to the max with Tampax

Last night I woke up from a terribly leaky dream about my lady plague. So naturally, I ran to the bathroom and discovered I was fine. Swine dream.

In an unrelated story about plugs, Aaron is one of two brand managers for his Business Unit (mountain states + Tx & Louisiana). As of Friday, Aaron was over the mountain states. On Monday he found out the other brand manager had been fired and that Aaron now covers the entire BU except for Dallas. This = more travelling + stress + a minor threat that we may be encouraged to move to Texas. We love where we're at, so we're prematurely stressing this. . . or at least, I am. I embrace change but not now; we love Denver. I just hope they hire someone.

swarm! swarm!

That's how I feel today: swarmed. My mind can't keep track of everything that's happening today; so things just keep flying at me and I rush to swat at them--swing and a miss.

you mean there's no such thing as moon cats?

Aaron has officially been placed in Netflix time out. His last three strikes in crappy movie picks:

1. watchmen
2. transporter 3!!!
3. transformers the Animated Cartoon series

beatings. I don't even want to get the mail anymore. seriously, beatings.

final thoughts

After last week, today feels pretty good. Nothing was demanding; I caught up on all the laundry, walked over to the reservoir with the girls, made dinner from scratch (including bread), and even squeezed in a bike ride with Lore. Now I'm finishing up my story (forever in the making) and almost ready to query.

I blame the gorgeous weather.

I am invincible!

I did it and it worked: 3-day potty training. I'm a believer and a success story. I'm not going to lie, the first day was incredibly rough: 17 dirty panties later and not a drop of pee made it in the toilet. By 7p, I put her in a diaper for bed and my sanity. The next day, she said, "Potty." I ran her to the potty and she went. It has been four days since that first success and we've only had two accidents. Incredible. And she tells me and then she runs to the potty. I help her on because I don't have her on a special kid seat. (I trained Ava straight onto a regular toilet and it is working with Morgan too.) So now I am officially done with diapers.

Aaron's lobbying for a dog. I need to stay strong. A dog would complicate my life too much.

are those the panties that your mom laid out for you

My latest fantasies are web related:

Screen-ed: a website dedicated to reading the school textbooks and outlining any thing that may raise concerns for parents. I like to think it is the Screen-It for textbooks. Parents can read a review of their child's textbook and know about any red-flag chapters their child might read. So that the parents can discuss/focus on these chapters with the kids when they get to them. (my holdup: time and I don't have the books and too much diversity in book selection even within the state.)

[untitled]: A fusion of starfall.com, sight words, rocket math and number games smooshed into a very flashy fun game site for kids. This is a particularly attractive fantasy business right now because it can help my day-to-day life of supplementing the kids' education. It consumes most of my shower time and I'm constantly tempted to start it. And I would love to improve my flash skills. Active X is a retarded language, it is amazing to me that Macromedia has been able to stave off competition. There's a lot to be said for first-to-market. (my holdup: time.) I'm tempted to storyboard the whole site right now. I'm not kidding. It would be so easy if I didn't have to sleep. swine sleeping.

Seriously, Aaron is lucky. What wife fantasizes about business ventures? Power nerds like me...jealous?

Hey Cliffy

Here's a little know fact for ya:

Never go to the DMV on the last day of the month. It is a terrible, no good, awful, frustrating idea. Don't do it. Ever.

Two hours later: the commander is officially a Coloradan. Now we just need to put a sticker of a buffalo on it somewhere and we'll be golden.

stressing sidebar: I subconsciously chew my cheeks when I'm stressing. My cheeks are raw right now.

You need to put on your big girl panties

I can't do it. I keep procrastinating the potty training. I'm afraid, I haven't got the willpower or desire to clean up accidents. And it's mean because the little devil wants to train. She took off her diaper three times today to put on panties. Tomorrow won't work (thankfully) but I have no excuse for Friday. Do I dare?

Tomorrow's hot list:

1. Picture Day @ school x 2 kids = lots of hair time
2. Dance x 2 kids = lots of car time
3. The park for the preschoolers
4. Registering the commander + VIN verification = more car time and a crazy dmv
5. Stake Auxiliary training = no me time
6. one injured husband = still milking it

FACT

Dan Brown has trouble distinguishing fact from fiction.

Fact: Aaron is healing from his knee surgery. He went in on Friday while I took the girls to the zoo. And then we picked him up and began a long weekend of pampering. He's officially milking it today but I don't mind; the boy works hard.

ar sidebar: the amazing race did not disappoint. When the uber d-bags didn't make it past the start line you know its going to be good. Although, I'm already down a team, San Fran were eliminated on their inability to herd ducks.

Right now Vixen Right now!

It's that magical time of the year: Amazing Race starts on Sunday. I wasn't planning on doing a league this time, but Sunny pleaded--and it's true, it's more fun with a fantasy league. Join if you like:

http://6ftdrift.com/ar/

sign in, make picks, and see if you win.

Please forgive me if I take awhile to post results. Get ready to make all your picks on Saturday.

run fat boy run

I ran my 5k on Saturday and I enjoyed it...mildly. At least enough to do it again next year, and possibly one every quarter. I finished 72 of 150+. Not a bad finish considering it was uphill half way. I need to train more with an incline, my lungs were burning at the top of the hill. Gotta love that altitude. One of my friends placed second for girls--she ran the thing in 22 minutes. I'm lucky on a good day to run 2 miles in that much time on a tread mill. So I don't think I'll reach her 7-min mile by next year, but I'm sure I can beat my 12 min.

Where were you on that one?

This morning, Aaron laid on the couch with little miss Morgan tucked into him for "cuddlies." I went about cleaning the kitchen until I heard Aaron desperately call for help. I ran to his assistance only to find Morgan puking curdled milk and oatmeal all over Aaron's chest and neck. As Aaron frantically called for help I quickly ran to the sink and dry heaved for several minutes. I can usually handle puke but not today. Today, the smell and awful chunkiness of the milk sent me running. I almost lost it myself and was completely useless. Commiserations.

son, do you like gladiator movies?

Last night, while aaron was out of town, I was watching The Soup while reading Here be Dragons (historical fiction about Wales/England 1200's--very entertaining). Little Bryn burst into the room claiming she had a bad dream. Of course just as she entered the room, The Soup cut to a clip of that guy who goes around the world eating disgusting things. And in his hand at this precise moment was a conch penis: a translucent worm-like wriggling thingy. Bryn, because she notices and hears everything, very innocently asks the following questions:

Mom, are penises mean?
Is that penis angry?
Why is that man eating a penis?
Have we ever eaten penis?
Have you eaten a penis?
Is it a fish?

I tried to explain that the fish was called a conch and the penis is just part of the fish, like a fin or tail. We'll see if she understands. I'm deftly afraid she will announce to her Kindergarten or Primary class that the other night she saw a guy eating a penis on TV. Then, shortly after, I'm sure I'll get a call from child services.

You know you live in a house of all girls when your kindergartner doesn't know the meaning of the word.

today sidebar: I survived it.

she's running round in circles till she's very very dizzy

tomorrow's schedule:
7:50 a: Lore to school
8a: Make food for Mops
9: Mops
11: Pick up Miller kids and find some lunch
11:45: Bryn to school
12:Actually mop and clean bathrooms--basically clean the house
1: beat kids (I'm just kidding)
3: Lore/Bryn home; homework
5: Hopefully return Miller kids (their baby brother 3weeks is having surgery--many prayers tonight)
6p: dinner
7p: Church, check on cubs and activity days
7.3p: bedtime for bonzos; make caramel apples
8p: book club @ house--hopefully kids will sleep through it
10p: kick the bc girls out
12p: lights out for me?

Hercules, here, threw it up in that tree

I have man strength...for a woman. Aaron does not need to call a friend for heavy lifting. I've lifted a bunk bed over my wee head and up onto its posts, muscled a treadmill up the stairs, lifted tables, beds, mattresses, and chairs with my bare hands. Sure, Aaron was assisting but I am tough girl...always was, always will be. Tonight, I took on a new dining table (with Aaron). It felt like a billion pounds, but I didn't even break a sweat--jealous?

I never liked the idea that the world was round, it makes me giddy.

I am chewing on toooooo many things right now. So instead of sleeping; I'm fretting over everything I need to do this week; categorizing, checks boxes, priorities: these are all things I love but not tonight. Tonight I'm worried about getting everything done.

Kansas sidebar: we spent the weekend with Ry and Christy in Kansas for Claire's baby blessing. The Kusches and parents made the trek and it was a blast to be with everyone. Ry claims Claire is their last, but we'll see.

trouble in river city

Bryn, bryn, bryn, oh bryn. I love this little child of mine but she is trouble. She lost a baseball this week, her first, for talking. We knew it would eventually happen; she took it well. If talking is the worst of her crimes then I'll take it. Although, yesterday in church: I watched Bryn play with and stroke Tyler's (her obvious crush and Kindergarten cohort) hair. What made me, Janae, and Genessee laugh more was that Tyler didn't stop her and enjoyed the hair tease. Ohhh what is a mother to do. My mom told me stories that I used to have boys pick me up to walk me to kindergarten and I would strut all the way there, but not my bryn. Have I doomed her to a life of fickleness?

everything is going to change now, isn't it?

Twelve married years with aaron. Twelve. Last Sunday I was showing a picture of Aaron and I in front of the temple in Sharing Time and I realized that none of the children including VAL 12 were born yet. That made me feel really old. Really really old. Does it feel like we were Honeymooning in San Fran and Mendocino twelve years ago? Actually it feels more like an hundred years ago. Our lives are so changed; who we were back then, I wouldn't recognize myself or aaron. We thought we were so grown up, but now I just see my former self as a baby, a dreamer, an idealist.

Aboo No!

So I did it: I picked up another contract job. I don't have time for it but it was too juicy to pass up. Plus it's with some old friends and engineers, and it's been fun working with them again. Hopefully I'll finish it tonight and then...no 'and then.'

he thinks because he puts on a pair of timberlines that he has street cred

I am not a runner. But I run. I run enough that I signed up for a 5k. What the hell was I thinking? I hate running. Sure, I do it a lot but I don't enjoy it. I like the way I feel after, that is all. I hate almost every minute up until stopping. So why would I race? I've gone coo coo for coco puffs. It's in 3 weeks. Let's hope I finish without collapsing from insanity.

Jen would be proud.

I googled

My sister Amber has this cool job where she gets paid by google to research people's actual google searches. Just so you know, google knows everything about you, the more you google, gmail, or blog, the more they know. But they do it in a very benign profit-driven way, so I'm cool with it. Anyway, one of her tasks is to look at an actual person's keyword searches in a single session to see if it leads to a purchase. Here are two she posted on her blog (because they are entertaining):

one google searcher's keyword trail:
bbc
mcnair murder
sin by silence (a domestic violence site)
lake shawnee topeka kansas
dove ornament

another google searcher's keyword trail:
Botulism
platform queen beds
safety shoes for women
investment how
offshore bank

I mean how do you get from botulism to offshore banking? It is a wildly fantastic trail of randomness, and I endorse it as a new form of poetry. It is a window into one's very soul really and it's almost more accurate than a diary. After reading her entry on these Keyword Poets, I decided I would follow my own trail and see where it takes me.

Obviously it wouldn't be as free form because I was tracking my own trail and I found I'm not much of a googler. I rarely use search engines--I'm more a destination websurfer. So my trail is more random and disjointed. Still I plan to track my searches from here on out and if I actually create a worthy entry of Keyword Poetry, I plan to post it.

Here is my first attempt:

refried bean recipe
martha stewart
Here be dragons
bob books
3-day potty training

(I know it isn't glamorous, it was my first. But it is a snippet of my life: beans for a mexican dinner I took to a friend, martha because I wanted a killer dessert, Here be dragons is my next book for book club, bob books are great for teaching kids to read which Bryn is starting, and 3-day potty training because I'm biting the bullet on Thursday and trying to train Morgan.)

swine maid

or the case of the mondays? I'm not sure which. Yesterday, I ran around like a chicken and then to stress my day out even more, I volunteered to take dinner to a friend who just had a baby. To simplify my life (since I knew it would be a crazy monday) I opted to make a roast--easy in a crock pot. And it was easy, but then I had to round up all the children, since Aaron wasn't home yet, and all the food into the car. I took the first round of food and the wee ones out to the car. Then as I walked back in, little Bryn said, "Mom, why is all the food on the floor?" My natural response was, "What?!?!" I run inside to find the roast, potatoes and carrots splattered all over (my freshly mopped) floor. Utter devastation. What am I to do? I have two options: scoop up the food and put it back in the pan or bring cold cereal. I scooped the food (I made sure it was clean). It was an act of desperation. I took it out to the car and asked Bryn, "What happened?--The truth bryn."

She quietly responded, "I wanted to help, but I couldn't carry it and it spilled. I'm sorry." Tears dripping down her cheeks.

Who can be mad at that? I told her thank you for trying but next time please ask me for help.

Cowabunga

I had a wave dream last night. The girls and I (no aaron) were vacationing on an island off of south america. We had a little bungalow on the water. And I noticed the ocean was particularly high. Still we continued to swim until I saw the growing wall of water. We had no high land, no car, and it was a small island. Before the girls could see the approaching wave, I gathered them inside the bungalow. I wrapped my arms around them, kissed them and told them I loved them. And then I waited with my unsuspecting children for the end.

chowabunga sidebar: do you remember the tidal wave bubble gum TV commercials? I used to love them and the gum.

Freeeeeeeeeedom

Lore and Bryn started school today; two children at home = freedom. Only two kids while I was grocery shopping, it almost felt lazy. Almost. And I'm only three years away from total freedom. That will just be freaky.

Bryn had a fabulous time in Kindergarten and she got all her baseballs. The school has a rigorous discipline system that requires the parents to sign each child's disciplinary report card daily. You get a baseball stamp for being Respectful, Responsible, and Safe. Aaron and I have been worried little Bryn may not be able to meet these expectations--especially since Tyler is in her class. She loves that boy and talks to him every chance she gets. But she did well and wants to go back tomorrow. This is good.

Lore's teacher is amazing and we've only heard great things about him. Plus she has cameron and aleaya in her class, so she's golden.

I wanted the early schedule and we got the late. But I'm glad for it now because I put little Morgan down for a nap as soon as we returned from the store, which gave me an hour just to hang with Ava. She loved it and then she fell asleep. Maybe with Bryn gone, I'll be able to get two down for naps. That would be a labor day miracle, but we can hope.

I've had more things to write about but they are blurred from my memory at present. So I think I'll go run.

Obama sidebar: he didn't pick me. maybe next time.

fab music sidebar: I'm loving Friendly Fires and Phoenix right now. enjoy.

Do you got a moment Mr President?

I signed up for tickets to go to the Obama town hall tomorrow in Grand Junction. Sure it's a 5 hour drive, but I really want to see and hear for myself what is really happening at town halls. Plus, I have my own questions, but I know I wouldn't be given a chance to ask them...I'm sure they are controlled. They control who goes and I'm sure they want to stack the room in Obama's favor...so my odds aren't too good. Although I am a registered Independent but if they see I'm married to Aaron (which I'm sure they check) then I know I won't get in. They're supposed to contact us if we're 'selected' today. Cross your fingers for me.

I also wrote both Senators and my House Congressman yesterday....I know, I'm an activist now. No, no I'm not. But I'm frustrated with the process and the blatant disregard Congress has for its constituents. One senator sent a canned email back, the others haven't responded.

Health care is a complicated problem; a few of my friends and I were discussing it last night, and we couldn't come up with a solution that everyone liked. Still, I don't think either party has our interests at heart and I don't believe a larger national health care plan will work. Medicare is a national health care plan for a select few and it is struggling in management and funding--so what makes Obama think he can do it on a larger scale?

That is funky and not in a musical way

Saturday, Aaron and I went to see GI Shmoes--it was awesomely bad. Truly a B hit wonder; thinking is not allow, you just go for the ride. In the middle of the movie, I turned to Aaron in horror over the rankest smell to ever permeate my nose: someone, near us, farted and it was brutal. Aaron couldn't smell it, so I assume it was the ass tards next to me. This is not right. Just because its dark, doesn't mean its kosher to rip one. It is more offensive than crop dusting cubes in an office. It is the equivalent of an airplane toot: people are trapped next to you, it is unconscionable! Have you no shame toot offenders? If you do it, you're a sickie. And if I sniff you out, I will call you out. Anyway, it was an unfortunate event that I feel warranted an editorial.

oh what a world, what a world

Yesterday, I found one. Just one, in the middle of my hairline, only two inches long, and bright gray: the banshee. This yokes my soul with sorrow considerably. I mean my kids aren't even teenagers; I'll be white by the time Bryn turns 15. The war has begun. Aging: 1 me: well, I plucked her, so touche.

In my dream

So I forgot to mention (in more detail) going to the Coldplay concert while in California. Aaron had gotten us sweet tickets as a birthday gift for me. It was our first time to see Coldplay and it was worth it. There was a random mix of people there, but the show was awesome. Play on.

We originally had tickets to see them back in 2001 at Bricks in SLC. Oh how we would have killed to see them at bricks. This was before they blew up. But they had canceled the show because the lead singer had been hospitalized for anorexia--which explains why he's married to Gwyneth Paltro. Poor chap.

He's got lungs though, and it was a great birthday surprise.

back to life, back to reality

It has been a week since everyone left and I've got my house and kids back in order. So now I need to gear up for Back to School. The kids start on the 17th. Little Bryn had her kindergarten assessment: she did alright and I'm not worried about her. Although, she's a bit of a social butterfly and if Tyler or Hailey are in her class, her teacher is dead from day one. She's a ringleader in her CTR 5 class, and we've had several discussions about being more reverent and respectful at church. We'll see how she does at school. I'm excited for her, and I'm excited to have only two at home. It will be weird.

The WAR (wilson amazing race)

We got back from California on a Saturday night, and the following Wednesday my family came to Denver for a Wilson family reunion. Liv and Kusch even made it from Minnesota. It was awesome to have everyone together. It was crazy loud--16 grandkids all under 9--under one roof but it was a blast. We went to the pool, played games, had Mom's Dan-in-real-life-talent-show, played pranks (everyone was a victim) and of course the (adults only) amazing race.

Highs for the reunion:

• The sprayer ploy: more frags than suicides this time
• The black mamba: we have a new technique (thank you addy), instead of slapping or poking, you use the sock to frantically rub the face of the victim.
• Livy getting snapped on the toilet.
• Fruit basket.
• Kids on the slide and lane races between brothers. Sunny and I just got water in our faces; I don't know what we were thinking swimming against Ryan and Kusch.
• Ryan's cinnamon challenge. It isn't a wilson reunion until someone pukes.
• The favorites CD. Ryan and Christy put together a CD with everyone's (including grandkids) current favorite song. It's awesome. We have it in the car and the kids call out whose song is whose.

Lows:

• The noise: the kids together are unbelievably loud.
• The last hour of watching the kids before the adults got home from the amazing race. Amber, Mom and I were fried.
• A few bravas between cousins. Bryn and Zoe were banished from my bathroom.
• Sunny and Jonathan's hotel room flooding.

The Race
So I put together an Amazing Race around Denver. We split the adults into two teams: Team Deech (Kusch, Dad, Aaron, and Sunny) vs. Team King (Stewart, Jonathan, Livy, Ry, and Christy). I gave each team a wad of cash and ten clues/challenges:

• Run to the Reservoir, pedal two boats around a buoy, then run back to Faveros.
• Drive to Boulder, find this cool store, buy kites and kazoos. Then perform in the street with the kazoos while others danced.
• Drive to Red Rocks, crush a souvenir penny then run down to the stage and sing from the stage at Red Rocks.
• Drive to Willy's Wings and eat a plate of Rocky Mountain Oysters (goat/sheep testicles).
• Drive to Lakewood Amusement Park and ride three rides (this place is run down and ghetto; like the Santa Cruz Boardwalk but way more ghetto.)
• Drive to The Track (a pro go kart track) and complete 10 laps.
• Drive to Chick-fil-A and suck down a shake.
• Drive home, first to the pitstop got a surprise: all the grandkids waiting with silly string.

Everyone had a blast and now a friend and I are going have a race with a bunch of families this month. We need to make it a bit more family friendly but it should be fun.

barney

So the morning before we fly home, Aaron and others go out on the boat for one last run of the vacation. And of course last run, Aaron falls wake boarding and blows his knee. We weren't sure what at the time, but we can now confirm that he tore his MCL and Meniscus. I wasn't on the boat because I chose to be responsible and stay home and pack up before our flight. So naturally, when he hobbled in and laid down on the couch: I was pissed. And it isn't like he meant to do it, it was an accident but I was pissed. Instead of being a kind wife like I should have been, I blew him off. And then we booked a ticket for Megan to fly home with us so that I could have help with the kids because Aaron was barney at this point. Megan was a saving grace. And thankfully our flight home wasn't full so Morgan got a whole row to herself--allowing her to be one of the better kids on the plane...not the best, but at least not a pill. Once we landed, juggling the kids, bags, aaron and finding the car took forever. We didn't get home till midnight when our flights got in at 9ish. Ridiculous, but still grateful to have had Megan. And grateful to be home. Aaron now hobbles okay without crutches and he'll go back in two weeks to see if he needs surgery. Awesome.

ya feel me

I'm a bit late to the party but I wake surf now. Not a lot, and not well but it's fun. And much easier on the body than wake boarding.

8 seconds

So we made the trek to California. Two separate flights (thank you frequent flyers). I had Bryn and Ava. Aaron had Lore and Morgan: yes he got the short end of the stick. And she screamed the majority of the flight. Oddly, I had little sympathy. We arrived on the 3rd of July and the girls and I stayed till the 18th. Aaron flew back and forth between California, Colorado and Texas; it wasn't much of a vacation for him. Commiserations. The two + weeks were full of fun, cousins, aunts, uncles, grannie and pa. I admit, I was very nervous about going for so long (I don't like to spend that much time with my own parents), but I was pleasantly surprised how fast and great the trip was. It did take a toll on the kids, the second week the kids were beyond over tired, but gratefully we slowed down the second week. Here are the high and low lights of the trip:

top ten

1. Shopping with Jamie
2. Coldplay
3. The Folsom Zoo
4. Fairytale Town
5. Baby chicks at the farm
6. Running with Megan and Kiersten
7. Man aerobics with Bryan
8. Slumber Parties and Pool side with cousins
9. Cranford but not Little Dittle
10. My black mamba and other various pranks...suckers every time.

bottom five

1. Aaron blowing his knee hours before we flew home
2. Grandpa Favero
3. Dumping the kids on Jamie for Coldplay
4. Losing Morgan at Fairytale Town for about 7ish minutes. Heart pounding awful.
5. The kids not sleeping.

wait for it

yes, I've been AWOL for the month of July. I can't believe it is august and that school starts in two weeks. I have much to recount but you'll have to wait a bit more...luckily, aaron is going to be gone a bunch the next two weeks so I'll find some time. But for now, I must run some errands and wipe some bums.
cheers.

merely a flesh wound

Yes, I am a woman and occasionally I suffer from bleeding heart. This week, I bought 3 oil paintings from an exchange student from Greece. Aaron thinks it is all a scam--it could be, but I still love the oils I bought. What else do I buy: mags from inner city moms, cookies from every school fundraiser, and other assorted frivolities. I need a band aid.

anaconda squeeze

Oh I forgot to mention that Christy introduced me to Black Mamba. I couldn't lay off my dad this weekend. Christy: This is the silliest and best prank ever. I'm addicted to it. Look out Faveros the Mamba is coming at you in just one week. And Wilsons, you got it coming at the end of July. I'm going to invest in some googlie eyes too, wicked funny.

So what is this Black Mamba: it's a black sock. Yeah, you put it on your hand and make a snake puppet with it. Then, and this is were it gets ridiculously silly, if you catch someone napping: you slap them awake with the snake and hiss, "Black Mamba" in their face while displaying the snake. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it is funny and addicting. I love my Black Mamba.

it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it

My lovely neighbor Lana and her husband bought some total beach body workout system program lifestyle thing. They have this crazy workout dvd set that includes a 16-min ab section but the abs are also on all the other dvds, so she gave me the abs dvd. I tried it last night: it kicked my ass. . .well actually my whole body. Most ab dvds are lazy and slow and all about form. Not this one, it is 400 crazy ab exercises in 16 minutes and breaks are for the weak. I had some pride that I could do all of the exercises but one: the pikes always get me and this one is particularly brutal. Sincerely brutal. Anyway, I couldn't do all the reps; I'd break after 15 or 20. Mama needs her breaks. Shew. So now I want Aaron to do it with me to see if I'm weak or if it really is insane. The instructor dude even said: don't do this everyday. Yeah, because your core could catch fire or explode...at least that's how mine feels today.

bleh, aaron doesn't get home till late tonight, he has some event in the city. So right now I'm procrastinating mopping and party decorating. cheers.

She smelled like soup

I feel like I'm running on survival mode instead of living. It is just one thing to the next: busy, nutty, busy. So here is a quick recap--hold on, I need to order a pizza; that's why I got on the computer in the first place. Okay, yeah it's a pizza night.

Utah was fun except for puking Morgan. The Colorado Rockies were not kind to her either way. It added another hour to the trip. It was fun to see grandparents and cousins but that's all we had time for: we grossly underestimated how much time we had outside the planned itinerary.

We went to Cam and Amber's reception all day Saturday--non-member weddings are always good; they create perspective. And while Aaron has really nice friends, their lifestyle is weathering them. We were probably the oldest people there but you wouldn't know it from looking at all the faces. Plus, drunk dudes wanting to swing later is never good. weirdo.

And now it is Wednesday. yikes. It has been a whirl of meetings, scavenging, pool, tornado-cloud watching and party planning. Lore turns seven on Friday and we are having a 2-day festivus (mostly because Aaron will be gone on Friday). Shew, so much work for a tiny family party plus one friend.

And now my final (but original) thought: I took a bath last night to calm my pulsing nerves. This is kind of a big deal for me because it is my third of fourth bath since we moved in and I enjoyed it. Which means I have to admit that I'm becoming a bit of a soaker (not a bather...at least not yet). This is a huge because I hate baths--wallowing in your own filth, gross, I have issues with it on many levels. I once broke up with a guy because I thought I heard him in the bath while we were talking on the phone and I couldn't date a guy that took baths. sicko. I know. So I bathe now. Nasty but it felt good.

run little bob, run free

So since we are going to Utah this weekend and will be driving home on Father's Day, we decided to have FHE Father's Day. We surprised Aaron with cards, candy grams, rocky mountain caramel apples, a man project (installing speakers in the master bedroom), and bikes. We live a half block to the reservoir trail that is an 8 mile loop--perfect for biking. Aaron and I have been talking about buying bikes and the kids tows since we moved in. So I finally did it. And it is awesome. We didn't do the trail last night, Aaron just towed the kids around the neighborhood, and they loved it.

Once we put the kids to bed, I took my bike for a spin. I forgot how much I love riding a bike. I love it. I felt like a ten year old kid cruising the neighborhood and it brought more happiness than I expected. And our neighborhood is a bit hilly--not like the California hills, more like Austin Texas hills, which is flat areas with dips. Colorado is not hill country; it is the high plains (hence the tornado. oh and we've had tornado warning every day since the little one. crazy.) Still, the hills/dips are deceiving, they're more work than you think. And my bike is a no frills/gears beach comber. So yeah, it was a regular spin class by the time I was done. So now I might switch out some running nights for bike rides. I'm very excited.

don't fight it

my life is a pile of dirty laundry (mostly Morgan's--she is a filthy beast child) and scattered throw pillows.


[and oh crap Nat, I'm calling you tomorrow. Poor Tenley.]

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late

It is late and I need to spend five minutes with Aaron, so this is going to be quick.

I survived my first week in Primary. Conducting, Sharing Time, Set up, Tear down, Stake Primary there, meetings, mayhem, you name it, I did it today. It is the reason I've been glued to this computer since 8p tonight. 132 kids but we survived.

At least I get a pass next week. We'll be in Utah for a wedding and we would love to see whomever while we're there.

yeah

Today has been nuts, the past two weeks has been nuts, and then there was a tornado. YEAH, a tornado, I could see it from our window. It hit the mall near our house and went down the street of one of my friends. Crazy. Luckily, no one was hurt and damage hasn't been too bad. We didn't have wind, just wicked hail and I do me wicked...with a W.

So last week, Christy and kids came and it was fabulous--except for the sunburns. Lore forgot to get relotioned and burned under her eyes. All the kids at school thought she had a black eye because it was so bad. She's fine now. As for me, I had a bad shorts line so the genius that I am, I didn't lotion and now my legs are toasty. Still, you can't beat our pool, it is loads of fun. Bryn is getting really good at swimming and Ava is ready to start.

It was so fun to have the cousins together, Luke and Morgan had a bit of a power struggle but they hugged it out in the end. I love Christy, I have pretty fabulous sister-in-laws all around and I'm grateful.

Last Sunday, our ward finally split. Everyone in the new ward got released. Hooray for no more smelly-farty boys. Sad, because I'm realizing that most of my friends are now in the other ward but that's fine. We're just grateful to be off the hard folding chairs...we were 3 minutes early today and we were still in the overflow, but grateful for padded chairs. It was posh living we haven't enjoyed since forever.

On the flip side, I've now been given a calling that's a bit more involved than Val10. I can only pray and hope for the best. We'll see how it goes next week.

these pretzels are making me thirsty

ahh ha. It is sunday, and somehow I have found 5 minutes of peace. It's a bit relieving actually.

I found out today that this summer I'm losing my only two active girls in my Val10 class. That means I'm left with 8 active smelly-farty boys.

I got a bunch of books to read for this spring/summer. Sunny's The Ranger's Apprentice looks a little sketchy but I'm willing to go on faith.

I got my hair cut--only two inches. I'm weak; I wanted to cut it all. I've had long hair for too long. I need ponytail hair for the pool: this was my weak defense. I committed to shorter hair next time. We'll see if I'm brave.

I blew it last night with Aaron; I hope he forgives me.

I'm slacking on some of my goals, I need a kick forward.

Two weeks till swimsuit season: four pounds to go. I don't think I'm going to make it...it will be close, we'll see.

Writer's Group this week: I need to get my query together.

you say it's your birthday, it's my birthday too

thirty-four.

yikes, I'm climbing the charts. On our ride to school this morning, Lauren was quite concerned that I didn't have loads of presents and balloons waiting for me at breakfast. "Don't you wish you were a kid and got lots of presents and toys? [thinking] Well I guess adults get to go on dates till really late, and they can have extra dessert if they want it and they get to snitch. That's not so bad."

I think it's a pretty good deal. Aaron comes home tonight from a trip and we have plans for tomorrow and then on Saturday I get to escape: haircut, and then a magical trip to B&N with a fat gift certificate.

So what's on the menu for today:
Buying paint. I finally figured out what I want to do with Morgan and Ava's room. It is going to be purple, let's hope I chose wisely.

Cleaning up for book club. Yup, I'm hosting tomorrow and I need to mop. (It is a birthday miracle. ) We read The #1 Ladies Detective Agency. It was light and enjoyable but towards the end I felt like I had watched an African Murder She Wrote marathon. I'm still trying to figure out how it is literary and not commercial, like it claims it is. Maybe book club will provide some insight.

Beating my children. No. But I kinda wanted to after yesterday. They were hell cats. I begged them to be good today...so far, okay.

Buying a cake. Not for my birthday but for Lauren's school carnival. I'm sure they want homemade, but I'm not in the mood.

I know, it's a birthday wish list of to-dos. I am one lucky cat. May I (and anyone I come into contact with) survive the day.

He'll keep calling me, He'll keep calling me, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go.

Today is a rigorous effort in ridiculousness. And yet, here I am still trying. I know other people experience this; but knowing you're not alone doesn't help the ridiculousness. It actually just feels more absurd.

Don't fight it.

No I have to. I'm too stubborn to lose.

I'm mark walberg, I produce entourage; say hello to your mutha for me

ah yes, another mother's day come and gone. It's true; I need them; I need the sleep. And Aaron is gratefully doing the dishes while I spew my thoughts onto the web.

It has been a whirl of a weekend. Bryn turned 5: nuts. We threw her a huge party at Monkey Bizness, and a treasure hunt to her birthday gift of a art easel w/ supplies. She was more than excited and twinkled all day. Sometimes I worry that I'm creating mini Ryans with the birthday blasts (my brother over loves his birthday and pouts if it is a smidge less than uber fab) or maybe I'm just over compensating for years of a personal birthday curse (ages 7 -18). Seriously, the twins broke their arms (on separate years) on my birthday, multiple people have thrown up at parties/dinner, and a slew of other regrettable events--I've always hated my birthday and counted it good if it passed without any major catastrophes.

So today, Aaron gratefully took my Val 10 class to sharing time so I could sneak into Relief Society. It is really great to go and actually feel the spirit, instead of bust kids for talking, farting (oh yeah, the boys in my class stink up our tiny classroom every week--it is misery times 7 active boys...stinky swiny boys), hitting, and whatever else. Today I am incredibly grateful that I have 4 girls. The girls made me sweet little cards. Lauren wrote "my mom is buttiful" and Bryn wrote "my mom is smart because she wears dresses."

Plus, Aaron made me fondue for dinner; who doesn't love cheese and chocolate?

But the best news of all came from my sister(in-law), Alys: she's pregnant with her first. I can't wait to see her little person.

All right, on with another week. cheers.

I bought a JuiceTiger, I juice everything now

It's not a Tiger but I did buy a juicer--nothing crazy, just a little hand one. So it is official: I'm really old and I'm too tired to care. I've held off buying a juicer because my hands are strong enough to squeeze whatever juicing needs I've had...until now. Limeade is too tedious by squeezing wedges. [Lament.]

I don't know why a juicer is such an old person thing to me, but it is. Both my mom and mother-in-law have juicers and juice lots of random fruits and vegetables. Why is it that when we get old we want all our fruits and veg to be drinkable? Is that why there's V8? Does V8's love group consist of mainly 50+ somethings? I bet it does. Aaron's mom bought V8 for everyone last time she was here. [bleeeah.]

swine juicer.

who is this hermano?

My brother is silly.

He's a good man for trying.

Trany, hot mess, trany, trany, trany, hot mess.

I have my lady plague and I am losing it today. The sad part is: the kids and Aaron are decent, I'm getting crap done, and it's a great hair/makeup day. So what the hell is my problem? I don't know. Besides the fact that Utah is giving us some tax grief and they need a kick in the nuts. But that's whatever. I just feel myself bubbling on the edge of a total freak out.

I have little patience most days but today I have a deficit of patience. Well that might be an exaggeration because otherwise I would have already lost it. But I FEEL like I'm out. (If you really feel a particular way, then it isn't drama. So I prefer to categorize it as passionate.) And I don't want to punish my family for my pms. arrgggh. What do I do?

scream.

cry.

hop on one foot.

sigh.

the jerkstore called

And they were all out of the State of Utah. Seriously, can the utah government get any more retarded. swine utah.

you've officially been pimped

Heidi sent me this: mom my ride. It is my life--my ride. Tuesday, I cleaned a whole bag of trash out of the back seats. And Bryn has art on the backseat that will need a serious scrub to get it off.

"Remember when we had clean cars?"
"Remember when we liked animals?"

I have a problem controlling the VOLUME OF MY VOICE

Just a quickie: I love ALL CAPS. I have for a long time. My handwriting is all cap (or small cap if you're a nerd). In design: ALL CAPS is the equivalent of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate ! but they have their place. So why am I talking about this? My title of my blog page has been screaming at me the last few entries: WHERE I LEAVE MY CRUMBS. YES YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME. I AM SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It is almost vulgar. I don't like its chi anymore. So next entry, say goodbye to ALL CAPS.

I got nothing

oh my head is full of Fluffy Stuff Cotton Candy today (which I have never had until this weekend; it is a Jonathan favorite and I can see why: it is mildly delightful.)

It was Ava's birthday this weekend and, of course, it snowed 2 feet on Saturday. The day I had left to go get presents, cake, balloons, etc. And of course Aaron was in the mountains for some event so I had to drag the kids with me. I had to rock out of my driveway because the snow was so deep. The Commander almost high-centered in a couple of spots. And if you didn't drive in the grooves: hosed. Amazingly, it wasn't a bad outing; the kids behaved themselves and the roads were empty for obvious reasons.

As a general rule for my kids' birthdays, I decorate the house in streamers, balloons, giant signs, etc as a surprise when they wake up on their birthday. The kids know that I do this but the anticipation of a transformed kitchen/living room always excites them. Ava, Lore, and Bryn couldn't get to sleep till 9p--I caught them occasionally peaking from the balcony. Still, the next morning Ava's eyes lit up when she saw it. I can't believe she's three. Time seems to be jetting by.

Aaron came home Sunday morning from Copper, and then left for Oklahoma on Monday. He gets home tonight. The girls are really missing him. Luckily, he doesn't have to go anywhere until next Monday and then it is just a day trip. It seems like he is traveling a ton but I need to remind myself of Ogio where I didn't see Aaron for almost 2 months straight. It is all relative right?

I have my writer's group on Thursday, that will be a nice break. And then we're going to have a bunch of friends over on Saturday (kids and all), we'll see how it goes. In theory, it should be fun.

oH, so I'm not much for facebook. But I keep my profile up to connect with people that I love. This week, I have connected with all my girlfriends from High School minus 2. I haven't talked to many of them in twelve years. It is fun to see where their life has taken them. Too many good times with those girls.

What I hate about facebook: being tagged in the most unforgivable pictures. I'm reliving days of perm, high pants, goofiness, and all around bad hair/makeup days. These are not good things. So I should untag myself from all of them, but I don't. I should, but somehow it is a therapeutic stripping of vanity. Although, I just bought a ton of makeup (so maybe I'm overcompensating).

Alright, enough dumping. I'm going to go run. I need to make up for last week (I only ran 6 miles total). Six more weeks till I'm living in a bathing suit. chow.

that just happened

"Mom, put on the robot song; you know the one with the party streamer."

I have to agree, it is a party robot song.

It is megamonster snowing today.

the 5 D's of dodgeball

Dodge, duck, dip, dive and....dance. It's raining/snowing today. So the ladies and I had a death by dodgeball grudge match (while listening/dancing to Does It Offend You, Yeah). We have these really soft balls that no matter how hard you throw them, they don't hurt. Is it wrong to take pleasure in smacking your children in the face with a ball? The answer is no, no it is not wrong; it is utterly right.

smile and wave boys, smile and wave

I woke up this morning with a little black cloud hovering over me. I tried to shew it away, but it wouldn't leave. I went to the temple and it still didn't leave. Maybe if I drink my Red Bull Cola elixir? I'll try anything at this point. I mean, who goes to the temple grouchy and comes home grouchy? Jerks. So that's what I am today. sorry kids.

sanctuary

Dance parties with the ladies always lift me. Our set list today:

1. Beyonce: Crazy in Love (Thank you megan for my girls' beyonce addiction...to the left, to the left.)
   
2. Mariah Carey: Heartbreaker (Just give in to the power of the tea.)
   
3. Meiko: Boys with Girlfriends
   
4. Feist: 1234
   
5. Cyndi Lauper: Girls Just Want to have Fun
   
6. Siouxsie and the Banchees: Peek a Boo (and thus concludes all my girl band dance music)
   
7. Does it Offend You, Yeah: Dawn of the Dead (I can't get enough of these guys right now)
   
8. Ok Go: Here We Go Again
   
9. Years Around the Sun: Roundabout (clearly a Pinback ripoff, but still good)
   
10. Saves the Day: Freakish
    
11. Jackson 5: ABC
    
12. Guns N Roses: Welcome to the Jungle (Sure this is a hard transition but necessary.)
    

Rinse. Repeat.

super comfy pamper-time floaty throne

Yeah, I need one today.

Let me hit you with some knowledge

Operation Fast Asleep was unsuccessful. Apparently, my children are built to run around outside for almost four hours and not require any sleep. They are all slightly sun burnt and yet not one of them is asleep right now. What is up with the universe? Stubborn little fighters. Sleep, just close those peepers and give up already.

In unrelated news, I love Red Bull cola--no energy stuff, just delicious taste. Perfection in a soda can.

So, I've been watching the news a lot and it is blowing me away. How did we get to this point where we allow our gov't to regulate the private sector? This is coo-coo-bonkers to me. How in the world do we stop congress from this craziness? Really, I'm without speech. I don't know what we do. I mean, we can email our congress people like mad, but I don't think they listen. And I'm not a spammer...in fact, I loathe spam. (Especially the the political crap because a lot of it ends up being crap spun from the other side trying to scare the poop outta everyone without any real action.) And then, what's up with Nor Korean, Iran, and poor Israel? Scary silliness, if you ask me. Arrrrgh. (I have no ideas, no answers--just frustration.)

I started a writers' group with a couple of friends and we get together once a month to critique each other's work and talk biz-nit. It definitely helps. My writing has improved a ton (not that you would know this from my blog) and it is getting faster and easier to revise the story. I've also learned what I value in writing and storytelling. My big five requirements to a great story:

1. Plot. (Characters are great but if they slow down the plot, I spit on them.)
2. Pace. (It has to move fast and keep me engaged.)
3. Good writing. (No cold granite hands, ie twilight. I recognize I'm not the best at this, but I'm definitely improving.)
4. Strong characters. (I hate weak characters. They can have weaknesses but no sobby-woes-me-hobbitty-dwarfs. You know what I mean?)
5. Invisible narrator. (I don't like the writer to slow down the story, ie Tale of Despereaux.)

So there you go: my mission statement. (Crap, I really am turning into my dad.) I'm trying to apply these requirements to each chapter. It is a process, but I'm getting there. August 6th is the conference, we'll see if I'm ready. (Can you tell I'm procrastinating editing right now?)

I've hit a plateau in exercising...more like a wall. I'm running anywhere between 3-6 miles a day plus pilates and I'm barely denting the scale now. Still, just five more pounds and I'll be happy, you know? Sunny and I have been discussing this at length, because she too has hit a wall. No matter what we do, no change in weight. Sure, there is the argument that we're building muscle but I still have plenty of booty to spare. With pool weather just a few weeks away, I'm starting to think I won't reach the goal. Anyway, Sun and I decided to cut calories--and now I'm starving. Well not really, but I feel like I'm starving. I better see a difference by Thursday or I'm going to be pissed.

Ummm, I think that is about it for thoughts.

sprayer ploy sidebar: 1 frag, 4 suicides. These are not good stats.

conference sidebar: Holland was amazing, as usual.

Oh billy billy billy billy

Aaron is outta town for a couple more days; it is still spring break; we've had some unexpected crappy weather; so yeah, I need to buy some concealer and Clear Eyes to get the weary "cracks" out of my eyes. Today, I'm executing Operation Fast Asleep. I dare the kids to keep their eyes open after I'm done with them--hopefully, I won't wipe myself out in the process.

That's a number I can live with

I was jersey-juked at a stop sign today. touché.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Tomorrow is April Fool's. I love this day, it brings me joy and I celebrate by honoring all of my Grandma Tobler's traditions (except for dressing up like a freakish clown). So I have my usual tricks planned and I might just try the sprayer ploy again. But thanks to a fortunate call from Christy, I have some new tricks up my sleeve. And because of spring break, the kids have no idea it is April fool's tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to tell them either--at least not until all my tricks are executed. It is going to be sweeeeet.

Grandma T sidebar: the woman is turning 94 this week! What is up with my grandmas living to be forever years old. I do not want to live this long. I say after 75, let's just call it a day and be done. Got that Heavenly Father: after 75, just take me out. (Preferably, while base jumping.)

Meinen butterchurner ist gestolen

Ich bin mude. Konnen Sie mich helfen?

(yeah, I still got it--german skills that is.)


[three kids in my bed last night. 2 hours of sleep. arrrrrrgh.]

I see you like to chew; why don't you chew on my fist.

I survived two snow days...now I just have to get through two weeks for spring break. How does adding one to my day make it that much harder? Well, because Bryn and Ava get more attention when Lore's at school, which creates less need for mischief when Lore gets home. Also, Bryn is addicted to Lore, and she forgets Ava is there when Lore is home--this creates hurt feelings. Thankfully, Morgan is getting older and more fun for Ava to play with. Still, Ava often comes crying to me that Bryn and Lauren aren't including her. And last but not least, Lore is a helper but also a tattler. So yeah, four at home is more trouble. I don't know what I'm going to do with just 2 at home when Bryn starts Kindergarten in August. I might actually have time to eat bonbons then.

So I thought for spring break, we could get outta here, but Aaron is going to be gone sporadically for work. So I can go it alone (but I'm nervous based on our last adventure to Utah) or I can just find stuff to do around here. I'm wimping out with option two. We'll see if I survive.

taxes sidebar: they're done and we owe Utah more than they deserve. Swine utah--their state taxes are almost 3 x's colorado's. Hurray for Colorado.

parents are suppose to live for this stuff

I am now 2 for 3. Lauren lost her third tooth last wednesday at school. She was so excited and all the kids in her class loved looking at her tooth. When she got home, she taped her tooth to a personalized note (because of the experience with her first tooth that the tooth fairy couldn't find, ie forgot), taped her own nickel to the note as a thank you (you know, because we're trying to teach our children to give back), and then tucked it obviously under her pillow.

Well that night, Aaron's parents flew in. We talked till way late and then we went to bed--completely forgetting Lore's tooth.

She came in at about 6.30a to let us know that the tooth fairy didn't take her tooth. Aaron and I both sunk three feet into our mattress. We were the dirtbag parents again. Devastated, Lore went in to see her Grannie and Pa. I felt sick...then it got worse.

I got up and went to tell Lore to get ready for school. Only she pulled me away from everyone and asked, "Mom, can I please stay home from school? All the kids are going to ask me what the tooth fairy brought. I don't want to tell them that she didn't come."

Uuuuugggggh. The jerk store called, and they were all out of me. I agreed that she could stay home, plus then she would get more time with her grandparents. But we both know I did it to save her from humiliation. I told Aaron and he agreed. sucks.

All day long, Aaron, Grannie, and I tried to come up with various reasons why the fairy didn't show. Lore was still broken.

That night, the fairy left three quarters--these are small treasures to Lauren and it washed away the mistake of the previous morning. When I dropped Lore off to school, she had her quarters in hand, and several girls from her class rushed her when she got to the playground.

I hope I'm not scaring this child. Once is understandable, twice is just mean.

Fix it!

The people of Utah can not yield or merge when driving their cars. This drove Aaron and me insane. Gratefully, the people of Colorado can yield and merge...but they can not stop at a stop sign. Well, they have the stopping down right. They just don't know when they can go if there are other cars at the stop sign. So I can be sitting in a 4-way with a bunch of cars and no one knows what to do. This is insanity! I know what to do: ram them with my car is what I'm going to do. But seriously, I consider myself a nice driver--I rarely use my horn. But the stopping and not going is driving me crazy. So I just jersey juke everyone at the stop sign if they show any sign of retardedness. I know, it's rude but someone has to go.

This is a serious problem in Denver and someone has to fix it! (this is my favorite snl skit right now + mcgrubber.)

talk about your all time backfires

Great trip to Utah, miserable ride home.

Utah
Family: great; cousins: great; friends: great; snow: please, it was awesome to see it; whole trip: uber great. Aaron worked almost the whole time; there was some ultra mega world championship of snowboard halfpipe something in Park City, so Aaron painfully (righttttttt) had to be there for it. He was able to get Christian and some cousins in (there's got to be some perks), and then me and the girls met Aaron later for some Park City fun. Aaron and I agree, Park City is top ten best places USA. We have soo many good memories all over that town. Love it.

So we met Aaron at the end of the day for dinner and then went to Main St for caramel apples at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Then we went back to the hotel to watch a movie and eat the apples with the kids. It was well past bed time, but we figured they would sleep in the car on the way home the next day. We had a fun night, and tucked them all in at 10p.

Then the worst day happened.

It is day light savings, so aaron sets his phone clock back and then sets the alarm for 6a--this way, we can be outta there by 8a and back in Provo to retrieve the rest of our stuff. While we are sleeping, aaron's phone sets itself back another hour: so the alarm goes off at 5a. Bummed, we realize the error and go back to sleep...then we oversleep. Then Bryn loses her bear, Morgan loses her puppy, and yadda yadda yadda, we don't leave Provo till 11--2 hours behind pre-approved schedule. Whatever, we're at least on the road. The next 6 hours of the trip are fine, except for periodic shout-outs from Morgan to let us know she hates the car. Noted. We roll into Vail at about 5p and then we have the dooming revelation that we are about to hit resort traffic. Denver is 2 hours from the resorts, a lame and frustrating part about denver. Everyone, who lives here, knows that the traffic is stop-and-go out of the resorts and adds another hour to your trip. In retrospect, we should have pulled over and had dinner, but we were ready to be home. So we fought the insane traffic. Of course, morgan loses it the last hour which makes Bryn and Ava lose it. And we have everyone screaming and crying until we pull up to the drive way. Brutal.

Oh and then we forgot to set our alarm back last night, so Lore is late for school, I barely get Bryn to her Kindergarten check-up, and now I have pringles smashed all over the kitchen floor. I know that last one is unrelated to time but it goes with the theme of today: it sucks. I had a cookie for breakfast.

Nitro Circus sidebar: so there's this new Jackass-on-Motorcycles show on MTV called Nitro Circus. Aaron knows everyone on the show. Andy Bell is one of Aaron's really good friends and it is weird to see him on TV. Cam had a cameo on the show last night. Apparently the show is doing well for their target demo, so we're happy for them. But it is just weird seeing them be themselves on TV.

stay golden, pony boy, stay golden

I renounce my master genius status. Tonight, I thought I would get aaron with the taped-to-destroy-kitchen-sink-sprayer-thingie-ploy. So I taped the spray handle into pure-destruction mode, then I went on with cleaning the kitchen. Only I forgot that I taped the hose, and drenched myself...twice. The second time, it unloaded all over kitchen. Yeah! I'm that retarded! Aaron just informed me that I achieved full Patsy Status with this ultimate backfire tonight. Now I just need to microwave a potato for like 40 minutes till it blows up the microwave and then my transformation will be complete. Seriously, I suck today. swine sprayer-ploy.

shamwow

Morgan spilt a cup of milk on the carpet,bryn won't unplug from the tv without threats, ava's naked, it is laundry day, we're leaving for utah tomorrow and I still don't have a sub for sunday, and, oh yeah, I got about 3 hours of sleep last night.

But more shockingly, I haven't needed any boost from cookies or caffiene. I've been civil, calm, and relatively pleasant to everyone. This is good news, and just as well, the hobnobs are gone anyway. So yeah, carry on then.

it's like I'm coocoo for cocopoops

My latest weakness: chocolate hobnobs. delicious oaty goodness.

bleh

warning: I'm about to throw up a ton of thoughts.

I just returned from a conference at Lauren's school and I had to blink twice to remember that it is a public school. The cherry creek school district is demanding but performance driven, and it is exactly what lore needs. . .we'll see how Bryn does in Kindergarten next year. Lore love rules; Bryn can't be bothered by them if they stifle her creativity.

Ava drew another picture today with multiple people on it--this isn't half bad for a kid that still claims the number 2. Her little people have claws for hands and feet but I'm impressed that she draws them. She also colors in their clothes with a fair amount of skill. She takes pride in her pictures too (she's currently sleeping with today's drawing). I'll have to create some sort of structured art time for Bryn and Ava...maybe during Morgan's nap.

Denver's weather is beautiful but a little too beautiful--you know, where you forget how bad it can be and you take it for granted. The past few days have been 60's and gorgeous. They claim to have more sun than Arizona and I'm starting to believe it. But I kinda hate it too. Don't get me wrong it is great for the kids--especially since we can go to the park every day. But I love gray days and I miss the snow. 15 years in Provo and I still love snow. We've only had two good sledding weeks here. And when it is nice out, I'm ready to buy summer clothes and pack away winter, but it isn't even March yet! So I spit on you: beautiful sunny denver weather. (Aaron curses you...he would live on Hoth if he could.)

My sunday school class is starting to talk like me. On Sunday, Jaden boasted that "he owned most reverent last week." It was funny to hear it. Like when you hear yourself in your kids. I should probably speak more properly.

There's a good chance we're going to Utah next week. It will be good to see the peeps.

On a contemplated whim, I painted our guest room last night. I am becoming a master of painting the top trim...no need for tape, I can freehand a straight line.

Last night I dreamt I was at the Tate (my favorite museum in London). They were missing my favorite painting: Hope. I was grateful that it was just a dream.

okay, I should probably go: I still need to run tonight. cheers.