Help me Oprah Winfrey, help me Tom Cruise

I backed into a light post today. I love my commander, but she has blindspots. swine light post. I spit on today.

why so serious?

I mailed my last package and sent the first round of christmas cards...now I can commiserate over my cold, women plague, and banchee children. Maybe I'll read or edit--probably edit--tonight. My story is definitely getting stronger and as it morphs into something publishable, I realize I handed out my first draft too soon. But lessons learned and I've learned a ton. arrrrgh, morgan has turned into a whinny thing. go away beast child...okay that's a bit mean. I need to go. lemon out.

it's frickn freezing mr. bigglesworth

It is minus degrees outside today. minus. We just returned from a weekend trip at Ry & Christy's, and I pumped gas in -4 weather with blow-you-over wind. I couldn't feel my ears for at least five minutes and then they stung from the warmth of the car.

In a completely unrelated change of thought: Amber found a gray hair (on her head) last week and that news brought me joy. With all tobler genes pointing to: you're screwed, I have still managed to elude the gray. Oh course, mom didn't really start graying until I was in High School (and I know I caused half of it), we'll see how it plays out once Lauren & Bryn get older. On a critically related note: a solicitor came by the other day and asked me if my mom or dad was home...so I might not be the crypt keeper yet.

weekend sidebar: Ry, christy & fam are shweeeet.

I want to go to there

I returned a bit unwillingly last night from New York. It was an incredible break from being a mom. Jen had never been to New York, so she had an entire itinerary planned from the moment we checked into the hotel. And I think I can successfully say that I saw everything worth seeing in New York. Here's a quick hit of the highlights (before I forget): Getting smashed in front of the tree at Rockefeller Center (seriously, I've never been to a concert that was that smashing...literally.), ice skating in central park, devouring dessert at Serendipity, buying a hot/knock-off purse in a basement in Chinatown, getting the DL from Yoko Ono's doorman, catching a brilliant Van Gogh exhibit at MoMA, touching the Temple of Dendar (ok, I might be forgetting how to spell that) at the Met, eating pain au chocolat in central station, flipping through bizarre coloring books at the united nations (seriously though, what kid wants to color a picture of scientists working to cure aids?), walking two blocks in raging high stilettos, and eating a slice at Lombardi's pizza. Shew and that's just the highlights. It was a great trip and now I'm suffering a bit of post-vacation blues. Hopefully by Friday, I'll accept my return to routine.

Last Lecture sidebar: so I read this gem on the plane. I bawled and bawled. His poor wife. Anyway, I learned from it that I have two walls to conquer right now and I'm pretty confident that I can.

I'm taking a ride with my best friend

I leave tomorrow for a girls weekend in NYC. Four days to do all things NY with Jen. I'm ready to get out of here...I just need to pack, do some laundry and make a what-to-do-with-the-kids list for Aaron. So look for me when they light the tree in Rockefeller Center tomorrow.

it's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why

Thanksgiving has ended and the Faveros have all gone home. It was a good holiday--lots of playing and little sleeping. I think we also clearly established that my political views are not the same as my in-laws. But I think we still love each other and no one is wounded.

Kiersten destroyed us with the Thanksgiving Armpit Challenge and now my pits are smooth again.

I have now officially cooked all of thanksgiving. This is a huge milestone that announces that I'm old. Seriously, I did it all: turkey, stuffing, potatoes, yams, cranberries, veg, pies, etc. OK, I had a bit of help from Margaret, but I planned, bought, and prepared 95% of the meal...and now I just feel old and whithered. It was a lot of work for just an hour of eating. But now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

like Neve Campbell in Scream 2...I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is one of them

James Bond is a skank whore. And the Sean Connery movies are the worst. He straight up rapes P**** Galore in Goldfinger. As a stay-at-home-feminist, I think James Bond (among others) is the reason we have so many man-pigs in society today. James Bond teaches the worst values when it comes to the treatment of women. Men know this too, because they giggle like impish ogres when I point out this truth. And yet, I love a good spy movie; so I watch them with Aaron. They are a shameful pleasure.

The new movies, although they are completely brutal, are a more accurate portrayal of who James Bond is: lonely, whoreish and devoid of any real feeling.

24 sidebar: Jack Bauer is Rambo, Jack Ryan, and Macgyver rolled into one.

warriors come out and play-e-ay

Aaron needs a beating right now because he told one of his friends at work that I like Twilight...that I was a super fan or something. As if I had read the series and was in love with Edward (the stalking psycho). I'm pissed. He knows I read the first book and since then I've been a twilight hater. I've taken a bit of heat from friends and family on my stance against this retard romance and I can handle that...but hearing this from Aaron makes my claws come out. Does he really want more spitevenge? Really? Because I can bring it. Game on.

it's a problem of motivation, Bob

arrrgh. what a long long week this has been. On the plus side, I'm almost totally done with christmas shopping and I finally got my hair cut. (Finding a stylist here was ridiculously hard.)

Aaron's family comes on monday for Thanksgiving and I'm excited to see them. I have a few tricks to play and I'm ready to shave my armpits. I fought the urge to shave them (twice) while in the shower today. My armpit hair is now over 3/4 inch long...pretty impressive except that it is a sparse rug. Bryan already tipped us off that Kiersten's armpits are disgusting, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose the Thanksgiving Armpit challenge. Overall it has been pretty funny and itchy at times (I don't know how boys do it). But it has definitely bothered me more than Aaron. So I think this will be the only year of the armpit.

Oh, I should probably mention that the parents came a couple of weeks ago and it was a blast. The girls bawled when they left. While they were here, I came up with more ideas for the Wilson Amazing Race (WAR) family reunion that we will host next year. and yadda yadda yadda...I'm done talking tonight.

NYC sidebar: ten day countdown begins.

some days are yellow, some days are blue, on different days I'm different too

today is a purple day.

ch-ch-ch-chia

I haven't shaved my armpits in 3 days. This is the longest time I've gone without shaving minus girl's camp. In the shower today, I watered my armpits to inspire growth...but it is going to be an uphill battle getting to french standards by the end of the month. Keirsten and Megan are in, which means Megan and I will lose. Keirsten has been cursed with a fierce Italian/Welsh hairy person combination. Poor thing. At least it will work to her advantage for once.

I really truly hate hair. I would laser my whole body if polite society would accept me--even my head and eyebrows (because plucking brows sucks). I would be like one of those hairless cats and rejoice in my freakish beauty.

you like that?

What a suck ass day it has been...bryn cut her own hair, ava painted herself in mascara, morgan wouldn't stop pooping, and aaron's out of town. cheers.

So much for not complaining; but if I can't complain to a diary, then I might blow up.

Go that way really fast; if something gets in your way: turn

Some things in life feel like the K12. Right now, I'm reading How to Win Friends and Influence People for our book group. I would have never read it on my own (I'm not much for self help) but I'm glad I am. Most of the principles are basic "be nice" principles but there are a few that I truly suck at, and I want to be better. Principles (that I've read so far) that I'm struggling to apply are:

1. Don't criticise, complain, or condemn.
   
2. Be a good listener.
   
3. Remember people's names.
   
4. Don't get into arguments (even if you are right).
   

It makes sense, when I read it, but making myself actually do it is harder to remember. Because instinctively, my mouth opens and verbal diarrhea spews forth. I'm crazy opinionated and loud, and I need to taper these two traits. When I catch myself and actually apply what I've learned: the kids are happier and more confident.

Another thing I've realized from the book: Abe Lincoln and Ben Franklin are amazing men (not that I didn't already know this, but I appreicate more who they were) and I want to read their biographies (particularly, Ben's auto). So I better go so I can update goodreads. cheers.

I called for you; I said, laura, laura.

This evil sore-throat-death-cold has claimed my voice. I am speaking in whispers and of course I had a ton to do today...I'm done with being sick. As it is, I had to take Morgan and Ava to the urgent after hours care because their eyes began to ooze pink eye goop. This has officially killed our trip to Utah, the girls are devastated.

The only thing getting me through the day is quoting Man Cold with Aaron. Poor little bunny thinks he is getting pink eye.

On the plus side of not going to Utah this weekend, Aaron and I plan to vote early on Friday.

Do you want the mustache on or off? Off, please. Too bad.

I have only a few days left before Aaron (and his brothers & cousins) begin growing their Thanksgiving Mustaches. I have no love for the mustache, but I respect Thanksgiving Mustache. It is a weird boy bonding thing that I won't regulate no matter how gross it is. Although, I hate kissing it; I don't like it to come in contact with my skin; it makes me claustrophobic and basically drives me crazy for a month. Just thinking about it makes me cringe. Of course, Aaron's family is coming for Thanksgiving this year; so for spite, I'm going to get Aaron's sisters to join me in Thanksgiving Armpit: longest pit hair gets the prize. Aaron welcomes the challenge, he thinks it will disgust me more than him....I don't know about that, he could be right. But I have to at least try...as it is he is joining fantasy basketball as I type--arrrrrrgh. Wish me luck.

Modern Millie sidebar: we got, watched it, and Tap-tap-tapioca was stuck in Aaron's head for at least an hour. Spitevenge accomplished.

I have an opinion...

I'm not much for girl bands, but I am loving meiko right now.

my lungs are imploding

I'm infected.

Before my throat swallows my desire to live, know this: these pretzels are making me thirsty.

you're going to get over it, and be my best man

So way back in March, I did this b-rate boy movies vs. bad romatic comedies march maddness; the winner being You, Me, & Dupree. I swore I would que this crappy movie after Aaron made me watch another truly bad b-rate boy movie. So a few weeks ago, Aaron tortured me with: In the Name of the King (A Dungeon Siege Tale) starring Jason Statham, Burt Reynolds, and Ray Liotta dressed like Liberace. It was beyond bad...Jason Statham's weapon of choice: a boomerang. So as payback, I queued You, Me & Dupree; it came yesterday. Last night we watched it and it was terrible. I hate Kate Hudson. I think it ended up being more painful for me than Aaron.

Which leads me to my next concession: Underworld is better than You, Me, & Dupree. To penalize my lack of judgement, I will not speak ill of Bruce Willis or Nick Cage for one month. It is going to be hard, but I'll try.

But to torture Aaron a bit more, I just queued to the front: Thoroughly Modern Millie starring Julie Andrews. Aaron hates this movie. It will be enough retribution for the movie and Fantasy Football. I know this is spiteful, but it makes me feel a bit better.

did you just call me a jive turkey?

yeah, today has been a rough one. I have four sick kids, which is ultra-mega-happy-fun time for their fall break. I am not loving today. Plus, we're finally finishing our backyard landscaping...but the landscapers hosed a whole section and so I have to make them fix it tomorrow. Sometimes I hate confrontation. Uhhh, I'm exhausted and I have nothing else worth mentioning right now.

the what?

I hate our bank; we currently bank at 1stBank of medieval times. I've had many issues with them since we opened the account: no drive-up teller, debit card that only works as a credit card, you have to total your own balances and do your own math because none of the tellers use computers, no receipts, etc. Crazy. But today was the deal breaker.

I splurged and took the tollway to Costco (even though sam's club is less than five minutes away). I love Costco, it is superior to Sam's in produce, products and delightfulness. So I have three kids and a loaded cart; we go through the checkout--only to find out that they don't take 1stBank debit. This is no good. Costco has an ATM, but this doesn't help me because I don't remember my pin for my crap card. So I had to leave the cart of goods, pack up the kids, find a 1st bank, do some more medieval banking and then head back to Costco with cash. They are building a Bellco near our house, as soon as it opens: we're switching.

The crazy part is: I had no idea I was this demanding of my bank needs...which granted are basic banking needs, but still.

delicious again, Peter

On a more positive note, I am a master chef...well that might be exaggerating it a bit, but I'm kinda a master chef. When I think of someone stepping to that next level of "can cook well" to "master chef," I find one main criteria: a master chef can taste a meal she didn't cook, and then replicate it at home. Carolyn's sister, I consider her a master, can do this effortlessly. I achieved this level of chef-dom tonight.

Last summer, Aaron and I went to NYC for our ten-year anniversary. While there, we went to this incredible Italian restaurant. Tonight, I replicated my pasta dish, from that place, by just using my genius. Therefore, I have become a master--which boosts my desire and confidence in entrepreneur-ing my dessert cafe: Deliciousity.

Speaking of which, and further illustrating my chef skill: I have created my own delightfully addictive pumpkin chocolate chip cookie. Sure, I improvised from a couple of recipes, but the details, that make it fabulous, are my own.

And then? No and then

Do you ever have a day where you feel like your playing Settlers and you have settlements on 6 and 8, but the only thing that seems to be rolled is that damn 11? That's how I feel today.

At least Aaron gets home tonight.

you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep

This weekend was a rough one with the kids (kids and conference don't mix); Aaron and I spent most of it fantasizing about going to the vet and getting some tranquilizers for the kids--you know, enough to put down a cat but not a large dog. That would buy us a bit of peace.

The point is, this is what I'm gonna do

Colorado is awesome, we absolutely love it here; but Aaron and I have issues with three things:

1. Colorado's obsession with their elevation. Okay, we get it, Denver is a mile high above sea level. But is it necessary to point out the elevation of a city instead of its population. Or college kids listing their elevation instead of "go team" on their football posters. It's a bit ridiculous.
   
2. Colorado's love of the buffalo. There are cool buffalo you can see grazing in the foothills of Denver--right near Buffalo Bill's grave. But other states have buffalo, so why does Colorado revere this animal above all others? (This is rhetorical, I do not have the answer.) Whatever the reason, Colorado is a bit nuts about buffalo. Everything is buffalo this or buffalo that. Buffalo statues are everywhere. coo coo.
   
3. Bananas. I get that we have elevation and buffalo but why do these two things make bananas go bad so quickly? Bananas don't last longer than two days here. And the last bunch I bought, they were slightly greener than what I normally buy, went bad while they were still green. The bananas were green and brown--no yellow. If I make anymore banana bread the kids are going to picket.
   

Okay, okay, um, the last word was seagulls.

I don't know what I would do without Jen.

I don't believe in isms, I only believe in myself

Aaron is gone till Monday but I kinda needed a break. Not that I don't like being with Aaron, but being a wife of a traveling husband, you get use to having time to yourself. It is a weird situation, because I miss Aaron fiercely while he is gone but at the same time, I enjoy having my own time at night to do whatever I want. And tomorrow, I'm getting a babysitter so I can have a date with Barnes and Noble.

Which brings me to my next thought. Since I started writing my children's book, I haven't had time to read. My philosophy was if I had time to read, I had time to edit. Although right now, I need a break from the revision and so I'm gulping down books that I've been literally building as a to-read stack in my book room...it's not quite a library, patience, patience. So while it has been fun chatting, I'm going to go read. I'm currently reading the Ezekiel Option by Rosenberg: light, exciting, political thriller.

I didn't ask for a dime

Okay, so several weeks ago I lost my wedding ring. I've lost my ring two times before--all the same scenario: I take off my ring and put it on the bathroom counter while I take a shower. Little hands find it and then chuck it somewhere so they don't get caught. The first time it took me 6 hours to find my ring. The second time it took a day and a half to recover it. But this time it has been missing for over a month now.

It stressed me to no end at first; I know it is in this house some where, but I haven't been able to find it no matter how I try. At first I felt weird without it; I missed my constant companion. But now it has been so long that I don't miss its friendship. I'm no longer codependent. This makes me sad.

Aaron lost his wedding ring to the ocean within our first year of marriage. He was devastated and I told him, "it's just a piece of metal and we'll get another one." Although, now that the situation is reversed, I understand how he felt. Still I can't buy a new one because I KNOW IT IS HERE SOME WHERE. I'm hoping, one day I'll be cleaning out a closet or a toy bin and there it will be. I can hope, right?

I've fallen and I can't get up

"Do you think McCain has a sweet Jitterbug phone?"

I said maybe you're going to be the one that saves me

I love change. I chase it. Except for sometimes it catches me spontaneously and I want to return things to the way they were. I close my eyes tight. Tighter. But eventually, curiosity and impatience take over. I peek. Everything is still changed; nothing is as is was before. And all I have left is hope.

it's already been brought

My family loves Amazing Race...collectively, we're a bit obsessed. To the point where I have created a fantasy league for it and we all compete for bragging rights. If you want to join, you may: where the magic happens. I removed the teams feature because it was an extra headache, so it is mono e mono (yeah I have no idea how to spell that). Bring your A game or just get sucked in with the rest of us. The league enrollment closes on the 28th.

I use to sit by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were merry

I have two moments of peace during the day: one, when I'm getting out of the shower, I wrap up in a towel and sit by the side of my tub and clear my head of everything for at least a minute; and two, at 12.30p, I make lunch for the girls and then lie down on the carpet in the living room while they eat. The sun is blanketing the carpet and I curl up in its warmth. (I recognize this is a bit Patsyish but I'm not taking naps in sweaty cars, so I think I'm okay.) This fifteen minutes of peace saves me.

I have a fever and the prescription is more cowbell

I love fall; it is my favorite season: apple cider, sweaters, gray days, warm rolls, soup, leaves--all good things. Of course, fall also means football season. And for me, and I'm sure countless other wives, it means fantasy football. I loathe fantasy football. Don't get me wrong, I actually love to watch football...when it is a team I care about. But fantasy football means every game, regardless of team, is important because Aaron's or Aaron's opponent's players are worth watching. And don't even get me started on Sports Center--it runs like a ticker in this house. Of course, November is even worse when fantasy basketball starts and he has both going at the same time. I thought action sports dudes weren't suppose to be into team sports, but no I married the one that is into all sports. Sweet for me.

Aaron suggested that I join his league next time but I have no desire. I'm more spiteful; so my newest hobby is going to be creating a painful-for-boys fantasy league...I don't know what to do yet, I welcome any ideas. I was thinking something that centers around the E!, TLC, Oprah, Martha Stewart, or some other crappy (but I secretly love) girl show. We'll see what I come up with.

Jake's my boy!

So I was having a giggle at seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com, and I realized: oh crap, I can kinda relate to some of this stereotypical ridiculous married mormon stuff. For example, I love Target. And if it is a Super Target, I might pee my pants. (Yeah, Super Target is that fabulous.) Who doesn't like: wide aisles, relatively cute everyday crap, decent prices, and cookies for the kids? Only sickies reject Target. Walmart makes my lungs implode; it is so claustrophobic. I spit on Walmart...if there is a Target near by. I cannot reject my love for the Target, so I'll have to accept that I have ridiculous-married-mormon tendencies. It might take a few weeks to come to terms with this acknowledgment. But I'm sure a few trips to Target will help.

me want food

So my sister Livy is really into making fondant cakes, and who isn't, really? Fondant is grown-up playdough. To suck her sisters in, she created a cake-off. I have an entry, can you guess? Enjoy and vote.

dance'n around like you think you're Janet Jackson

While Aaron sipped redbulls with Sean White at the dew tour in SLC, I changed 7 poopy diapers (many were the blueberry garden variety--not a pleasant experience), ran Morgan to the hospital (she busted her chin open on a step up...I thought she might need stitches but we were cool), scavenged for Tollway change (the beast won't take pennies or dollars; swine tollway, I need to get a expresstoll pass...jerks), project-managed homework with Lauren, changed princess after princess outfit for Ava, grilled Bryn on her ABC's, and found a moment to brush my hair...but not my teeth (this is a disgusting realization; I'll be back in a minute. That's a little bit better). I've been running around like a chicken all week; I don't know what is going on. I think it is the lack of dance parties with the ladies. We'll have to get down tomorrow, I mean it's Friday, right?

Aaron doesn't get back till Sunday...man, I need a V8.

Director of Extreme Weather Preparedness and the War on the Poor

"I hate that I like Alec Baldwin."
"Yeah, me too."
"He's just really funny."

smurfberry crunch is fun to eat, a smurfy smurfy breakfast treat

Today has been one smurf of a smurfy day. In fact, I am currently chocking down two cookies to neutralize my smurfy day. I can't smurf'n complain about the beginning of my day but I can smurf'n rant about how it ended. You know what, smurf it. I'm not going to blemish this blog with a smurfin rant. Just know, today smurfed. Being a stay-at-home mom is not the smurfing sweet life. serenity now, serenity now.

a whole new world

We drove to Sotah (Southern Utah)--yeah that's Aaron's silly nickname for it--this weekend for my grandma's funeral. We grossly underestimated how long it would take. Aaron and I thought it would take 7, maybe 8, hours to get there....but no, it took us 10. In retrospect, I should have flown; lessons learned.

The kids watched a lot of movies on the trip. During Aladdin, Jafar wished for absolute power which sparked a interesting discussion between Aaron and I. Absolute power is one of the very last things we would ever wish for. Neither of us see the appeal of dominating others. Then we discussed what we would actually wish for if we were given three wishes. I would wish for:

1. Protection for my family from any form of harm.
   
2. To unlock my brain's potential. Super genius is very appealing to me; most super geniuses have problems coping in society but I'm hoping my street smarts will help balance that.
   
3. To fly. I understand that this is a bit silly and fantastical but if you have ever flown in a dream, you know it is sweet. And I wouldn't fly like superman or peter pan or even tinker bell. I think flying while sitting Indian-style would be comfortable and less save-the-world.
   

Honorable mention: telescope eyes. So I could stare for hours into the universe without straining to peak through a restrictive tiny telescope.

Grandma sidebar: I am happy for my grandma to be free of this life. The funeral was one of celebration. But the hardest part of the weekend, for me, was going to their empty house after the funeral and realizing I would probably never go there again. Staring into the empty house, I was flooded with all the memories made there: of watching the Holy Grail for the first time, catching praying mantises in the driveway while eating fun dip and penny candies from Lyman's, playing Uno with Heidi and Grandpa in the kitchen, staying up talking with cousins while pretending to sleep in sleeping bags, climbing the big tree, eating molasses candy and picking it out of my teeth, I could go on for hours. I will miss that there will not be any new memories in that house.

thank you sir, may I have another

What a week. It is Thursday tomorrow and I don't know how I got here...I have so many thoughts, some I have broken up below and others I'm just going to spew, but that's how a journal works, right?

As of late, I have had several friends going through very difficult experiences. I am an over empathizer--so much so, that I cut people off to relate rather than quietly listen, I'm working on being a better listener. But in these situations, I cannot relate and I find difficulty trying to be a good friend. But maybe that is when listening becomes more important. In all these situations, the gospel of Jesus Christ is so necessary. I can't imagine going through life without it, it would be dark and depressing.

Tonight, we had a Septembering (I figure Patsy will be proud). I made Toni's decadent molten chocolate cake with sugared raspberries. Delicious. And I served them on fancy dishes--even to little Ava. I felt it necessary to welcome my favorite season. The weather was cool enough today that I even wore a sweater, it wasn't hardy wool but a light short sleeve sweater. Combining short sleeves and sweater should be an oxymoron (like a short sleeve turtleneck), but I feel it is a nice transition into fall. And I love an excuse to wear a sweater.

This past labor day weekend, Ry & Christy and kids came to visit. It was mad fun to be with them. I love that we live closer. Of course, one of the best moments happened just after they arrived. Of course I boobie-trapped their bed and toilet. Ryan went to TCB (Take Care of Business) just as I told Christy that I had snapped (the little firecrackers) the toilet. It was fully loaded too. Seconds later, a loud pop could be heard, even from the downstairs. Ryan screamed and hopped off the toilet. It was worth every snap.

Convention sidebar: Palin has balls.

he's a brilliant hamologist

Eleven years. Aaron and I have been married eleven years...I know this because instead of parking just anywhere at the grocery store, I look and drive around for a few minutes trying to find the closest spot. And today, I didn't take advantage of the golden pull-through. I am becoming Aaron...and I'm okay with that. I love him fiercely...more than words can express, more than actions can show.

I had a grandmother once...two actually

My sweet Grandma Wilson finally died this evening. I am grateful for her life and example. I am grateful that she is with Grandpa now. I am grateful for the gospel and the hope that Jesus Christ gives us.

he's quite wily like his old man

McCain might be a snarky bastard but he is a brilliant political strategist. Palin is genius. She's going to steal Hillary votes and unite the conservative base. Genius. And yes, Carrie, she does look like Tina Fey. And that's reason enough to vote for her; 30 Rock is the best show since Arrested Development.

you eat pieces of crap for breakfast?

Biden? Seriously? Biden? This election is now McCain's to lose. I think McCain could pick Lieberman and still win...what were you thinking Obama? Still, I like the odds.
McCrap can use all the help he can get...we'll see if he picks Romney. In my fantasy world, he would pick Fred Thompson. I liked fred.

What seems to be the problem, Micheal?

Aaron and I were watching the Olympics when a crappy promo for America's Got Talent came on and painfully finished with a shot of David Hasslehof sporting a Germany-loves-me-so-should-you face. And I huffed, "Hasslehof."

To which Aaron replied enthusiastically, "I know, it almost makes the show legit."

I (sincerely) love that I'm spending eternity with this man.

you can read minds?

In college, I had four bulimic and/or anorexic roommates at various times (two at one time though--that was brutal). This lifestyle was never a temptation to me, especially when I had to clean the bathrooms after one of their purge/laxative episodes. Because of my experience with these girls, I have a pretty good understanding of eating disorders and the brutal effects it has on everyone. I always thought bulimia was the easy one--the nastier of the two--but you could eat all you want. Although, watching them binge was almost as gross as hearing them throw up.

Anyway, I know that the disorders are about control, and now that I lack a bit of control of my own life, I see now how anorexia is actually easier. It is easy to not eat. And you are quickly rewarded as the weight drips off. (To anyone reading this: do not worry, I am not even considering having an eating disorder...I'm smarter than that. I was stressing about something, so I just didn't eat for two days, but now I'm fine.) Anyway, it was a surprising realization and something I have been thinking about...it makes me concerned about others that I see slipping toward this.

Another interesting insight into this disorder: Everyone I know that has had or currently has an eating disorder: they all have boob jobs. Every single one. And the longer they have had their new boobs, the less happy they are with them or with their bodies.

Despite how frumpy I might be or feel, I am glad that the way I look doesn't completely affect who I am...that I find worth in other attributes of my personality and life. So much so, that I was actually delighting in the motherly sag of my ladies--it was empowering in a weird sorta way.

Melrose Place is a really good show

so I've been working out at the clubhouse every night and each night this girl beats me there. So instead of watching the Olympics while I run, I am subjected to the crap shows that this girl watches, i.e., Keeping up with the Kardashins and Gossip Girl. These shows are so bad and nasty, they make 90210 and Melrose Place look like My Turn on Earth.

Not so much here, but right here

Do you ever get knocked on your butt and realize: for not doing anything wrong, you haven't been doing enough right? I feel that today. I could be much much better than I am. And I know what I need to do. I just think it is frustrating that I can easily ignore and be complacent about these things until I'm kicked in the butt. Lately, I definitely have been thinking that I'm better (spiritually) than I actually am. I haven't reached dirtbag status...I just could be doing a little bit...a lot a bit better. Here's to moving forward and hoping.

yeah, you want to ride that feeling

I am Hercules today. I loaded myself, 4 kids and a mattress into the car all on my own. And then, I loaded the mattress (sure, it was a twin, but it had a bit of a pillow-top) into the house and up the stairs all on my own. I don't need a boy; just my two guns: shirley and pepper--them be some tough-ass arm muscles. (grammatical retardedness intended.)

damn, we're in a tight spot

and like that, it's over.

fuuuuuuudge

riggan smiggin frackn licken brrrrrrrrrgggggggh. rackan lacken batter knat. arrrrr. sniggen.

How can two people be so opposite but so in love? rrrrrr.

look at her, she's just soo old

So I've been having difficulty judging how old I look. I feel continually 24. Do I look this number? No. But do I actually look 33? That's another question all together. I went to this RS activity the other night, at the party they went around the room and had everyone say a little somethin-somethin about themselves. A couple of the ladies, I would have sworn were pushing 40...and then they said, "oh and I'm 30." And I think to myself: if you're 30, then oh crap, I might look like the crypt keeper. And then there are girls in my ward that I think are my same age, but watch they'll turn out to be 26-28.

Age is such a perplexing concept. It frustrates me that time determines it and that we must continue to age despite how we feel. I think you should be the age you feel. I'll have to talk to Heavenly Father, when I meet him, and discuss the flaws in our aging system.

Aaron turns 35 in February...we discussed that he would soon be closer to 40 than 29. This freaked him out. It made me grateful that I was only turning 34, but let's face it, I'm only 1 year away from the same fate.

And now you know, and knowing is half the battle

Remember when Doogie Houser MD was a good show? Those were simpler times. Come to think of it, Doogie kept a blog.

do you like pina coladas?

Minimalism really appeals to me: little to clean up, little to pack, less possessions. Moby is a minimalist; I know this because I saw his NY apartment on MTV's Cribs (this is a sad confession). It seemed so calm and uncluttered. I guess I desire this because my personality is the exact opposite: high strung and cluttered.

When I worked with computer nerds, one of the engineers had a screensaver of a tiny island in the Pacific. I asked him once why that was his screensaver and he told me it was his escape. Minimalist design is my escape. Because I desire it, I'm constantly chucking stuff that I don't use or can't think of a reason for keeping it. This drives Aaron insane because he would pack his poopy diapers from when he was a baby (if he could).

But despite my desires, I am sad to report that I am not a minimalist...I am a maxamist. (I just made that up, don't judge it.) Moving has painfully pointed me to this realization. With every ridiculous box I open, my maxamist behavior spits into my face. Despite my hatred of crap, I have a lot of crap. (Although, I just unpacked some gems from college, that I plan to post on the loversons soon.) I try to tell myself that minimalism just isn't possible with kids...but what I'm afraid to admit is that it isn't possible with me either.

Maybe I'll find a picture of a minimalist room and make it my screensaver.

milk was a bad choice

Last night I was snacking in the dark on some mediocre snap peas while watching a movie. One of the snap peas had a white spot on it, so I chucked it to the side. But I didn't discriminate against any others. After the movie I took my plate and the lone pea to the kitchen...where there was light. In the light, I realized that white spot on the pea pod was not just old and busted, but mold encrusted. I immediately gagged on the idea that I may have eaten some of his friends.

Maybe it will be a friendly mold that will act like penicillin and cleanse my body of any harmful anything...or maybe more likely, my immune system is up for a challenge...so far so good.

marco

Our house is in the void of cell phone coverage. I have no signal until I drive two minutes away. So since we moved in, I catch up on my correspondence on my way to the store. At first, I was thrown off, like having a ghost limb after an amputation. But now, the silent phone is kinda nice. I'm getting loads done, and the girls are getting plenty of attention. It reminds me of life, once upon a time, when no one had cell phones and we just focused on where we were and who we were with.

Although, Aaron is out of town and I am missing him something fierce. He gets home tomorrow night. I don't think we've ever gone this long without speaking on the phone in I don't know how long. That is when having no phone is no good.

That said, I need to switch to AT&T...one of the few that gets coverage in our house. This saddens me, I have tmobile myfaves and that saves us tons of cash money. ooh well.

ahhh mercury, sweetest of the transition metals

In Colorado, not too many homes have personal pools. Instead they have community pools/clubhouse for each subdivision. Our community pool is great--very family friendly (zero entry for the wee chicks and a water slide that even Bryn loves). There are about 750 homes that belong to this community, and there are loads of kids on all the streets. It is the beginning of August and school starts in a few weeks. In Utah, this would mean the pool is jammed with moms and kids from sun up to sun down.

The girls beg every day to go to the pool. Most days, I take them. Here's the rub, our pool has never had more than 15 kids/people while we've been there. And that includes us! Me and the ladies make up a third of the pool population. I don't get it. Where are all the kids? Is swimming no longer cool?

Here's my theory, and I think it's a good one: working moms. All the kids are stuck in daycare. There are rarely any kids under 6 at the pool. Usually me and one other mom/dad. The other kids, that are at the pool, are old enough to stay home by themselves; thus they can go to the pool.

This theory makes me sad...sad for all the children stuck in daycare instead of swirling down the slide or diving under the waterfall.

It also makes me feel incredibly grateful to Aaron for working hard, so that I don't need to put our chicklets in daycare. I am very grateful to spend every crazy day with the girls.

I feel for working moms. I know that some of them don't want to be there. But unfortunately, their situation requires it...Carolyn always comes to mind. And now that she and Johnny are divorced, she really has no other option. Or sweet amazing Cindy, who lost her husband, and had to pick up the pieces.

poolside sidebar: I am finally tan enough that I like my freckles. I hate my freckles most of the year, except for now when they blend into my tan but pop just a little to make me look freshly sun kissed.

no one makes me bleed my own blood

So we moved in...but we're back at the apartment again tonight. Why? Because Aaron loves to drag things out until I pull out my hair annnnnnd because we left this morning at 7am to meet the movers (so we didn't have time to get everything out).

Today was not my favorite day.

The movers went fast and got everything in the house by 1pm but they completely busted 3 of the six chairs for the dining table. Frustrating, but now we'll get a new set. Almost everything got here. We have a couple of mystery boxes missing, which is lame. Managing kids, helping movers, having a period (which aaron claims I planned; he needs a beating today), running around like a chicken, and unpacking, unpacking, unpacking. Oh and our air conditioning was not working. It is fixed now, but we were dying for most of the day. Good times.

Aaron and I are both working on little sleep and lots of ridiculousness. Moving lowlight: Aaron threatened to punch me in the ovaries: right in the baby makers. (Not literally, it is a quote from Ron Burgundy)...but they were definitely fighting words. Especially when I'm PMSing and have a caffeine headache...yeah, I've been drinking way too many diet Cherry Pepsis this week. I got to cut back on the feel good juice. We're cuddly now but I was ready to take aaron to chinatown earlier today.

We're going to relax and get some sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be better. peace out.

that actually makes sense

"The W is bigger than the binoculars. You'll see."

We are all now dumber for hearing that

Aaron just informed me that Starship Troppers has a third movie just releasing on DVD. He's queuing it up on Netflix and there is nothing I can do to stop him. I did make him sit through the Kite Runner, but I need to que something far more excruciating for him. AS it is, we are painfully watching National Treasure 2 right now. I hate Nick Cage...he might suck more than Bruce Willis...I don't know, that's debatable. this movie suuuuucks.

its spongebob nudey pants

We signed the papers, it is official, we live in the PAC. Of course we went back to the crumby apartment afterward. The movers aren't coming till Friday. Aaron and I get to seal all the grout and tile over the next two days...and there is a lot of tile. It should be good times. Today we're going to go to the school, post, and clubhouse (so the kids can ride the swirling waterslide). I'm ready to get back to a routine. I'm ready to unhook the kids from spongebob--yes, I've been lazy with the TV at the apartment; I know I'm going to pay for it when we detox.

we represent the lollipop guild

I was watching the Wizard of Oz with the ladies the other day. Glinda, the good witch, pestered Dorothy trying to determine if she was a good witch or a bad witch. But then later on, Glinda reveals that only bad witches are ugly...so what was Glinda implying before: that dorothy was ugly enough that Glinda couldn't determine Dorothy's status as a witch? Was she confused because Dorothy was soo ugly that she had to be a bad witch, but then she killed a wicked witch, so maybe she was good. Sounds like a backhanded compliment to me. Stuck up, foo-foo good witch that sends poor butt-ugly Dorothy on a wild goose chase to Oz. Oh and munchkins are freaky.

forty winks

Did I mention that I am tired....more tired than newborn baby, more tired than moving day, more tired than saw 8 houses in one day....Aaron and I went to bed last night at 2:30am and then (Guten) Morgan was ready to go at 5:30a this morning. Long day with the girls. After we went swimming I thought they might wipe out for a nap. But no, no naps. It is almost 11p and I can't keep my eyes open. I'm trying to finish up sean's website for him, but my eyes are shutting as I crop pix. Tomorrow, I'll finish. tomorrow. Please children: sleep to 7a. 7a is all I ask.

jazz hands

Amber and I were discussing ward cliques today. She has some crazy retard girls in her ward...but I'm sure we all do. Man 2 had all the bitter betties that didn't get invited on the cruise that about 20 couples from our ward went on last feb.

And it is a fine line. Naturally, we get along with certain people better than others. And we shouldn't have to feel responsible for including the entire ward when you decide to get together with friends...I think it is ridiculous to expect everyone to be your friend and include you in all their frivolities.

But there is a difference between being friends and being friendly. I think there is no excuse for not being friendly, especially when it is at a ward gathering...I'm not saying don't sit by your friends or hang out with your friends at the functions...just don't be rude to others that might want to chat at the event. Is that really so difficult? We lived across the street from coo-coo-choo-choo, but did I talk to her every week at church? Yes. It is just being kind. Am I perfect, no. I hope I'm not being hypocritical by writing this...I really do try to be kind and friendly to everyone.

Do I like everyone? No. Am I friends with everyone? no. Do I try to mix it up in RS/ward parties/groups, so that I talk to others that I don't know very well? Yes. I'm not saying everyone should do this...it works for me. I like to get to know everyone. But I don't expect them to all be my friends...just friendly back. And I am crazy, so I understand and don't take offense if others don't want to be my friend. No tears are shed. I don't know, ward cliques just make me nuts when they choose to be rude to others at ward gatherings. When I hear about things people say and do to others that is just rude, it makes my heart hurt and then I become fierce. I lock & load my claws and I'm ready for a nasty cat fight...no, I'm all talk. But I feel the fierceness build in me and I want to say something...

Aaron and I try to be Switzerland in the ward. Neutral...not cliquish, not discriminating about who we are friendly to. It works for us. We don't get caught up in the crap and we don't get offended by crappers. Christy, my new neighbor, was telling me the ward and our neighborhood is bit cliquish...I believe it is everywhere though. I just feel bad that Christy feels excluded. Maybe I can make my Switzerland a safe haven for everyone. We'll see.

Cómo estás? beeeches

So after our Evergreen experience last week, we had no idea what to expect in our soon-to-be ward today. We got there during the hymn before the opening prayer, and we had to sit on the third row from the very back of the cultural hall. We bumped the ward's primary kid count over 200 today. Lauren, Bryn and Ava each had 16+ kids in their classes. We thought we had a big ward in American Fork with 180 kids. The YM/YW is also crazy big. The bishopric told us they have about 3 new families each week. This is understandable since the PAC is building loads of homes. There was a bunch of speculation among the members that a split would happen soon. Aaron and I were shocked but grateful to have a similar ward experience from what we just left in Utah. The majority of parents look like they are in their 30's and 40's. And I met the family that lives two houses down from us during RS. She seems really nice. They have a book club and a play group which we will join but not until September...the book club is reading Stephanie Meyer (and while I did read twilight in 1 day and was entertained--but not compelled to read the others--I don't think I could stomach another) right now and I have a feeling I will grossly disagree with their opinions of the book. Hell I haven't even read it and I can deconstruct her characters and writing style to make them into what they are: cheap, easy mormon porn commercial entertainment...that might be a bit harsh, and hypocritical...I just wrote my first story and it probably isn't as well written. So while I may seem a bit biting, I do give her huge credit for creating a series that transcends its target audience and appeal. It's just not my bag, baby. I'm excited to be a part of this ward. I think it will help with our transition.

the light is greeeeeeen

We signed a contract today for a PAC house. We're going to ram through the loan and try to close on the 29th. Which is perfect because I'll have 2 weeks to settle in before Lauren starts school. Of course, Aaron is gone all next week to Texas, so I get to do final inspection, loan processing, etc. all by myself again. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Aaron's hard work so that we can do this...but boohoo, I'm doing this with 4 kids on my hip. Aaron might be out of town the week we move in too. This is his crazy time at work, so smashing in a move is not making life relaxed for him either. If Grandma Wilson passes, we will have covered all the major life changes one can have under one year. It is nuts...ooooh, Aaron just got home with a baguette, boursin, and genoa salami. peace out.

marsha, marsha, marsha

Why is it, when I pray, that the answer is always "patience?" Seriously, you would think Heavenly Father knows me better than that. I suck at patience. I express ship everything! (That's right, I used an exclamation point--because I was shouting that sentence, just then. I shouted...with an exclamation point; you feel me?)

Whenever I ask for something big: patience. I want babies: patience; I want Aaron to get a new job: patience; I want to find a house: patience; I want to publish: patience. Patience, patience, patience. I'm trying but it sucks. I'm a get it done kinda girl. I like to make it happen, capt'n.

Patience sucks. I hate it. I'm sure that's why He keeps trying to teach it to me. The Lord's time does not match my Now. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand working for it; I'm not Veruca Salt. But if I'm working toward something, I need results. Eye on the prize. I like to check off my boxes....not wait around for someone/thing else to check it for me. swine patience.

I guess I should be grateful that patience is the answer instead of "Hell no." I should be grateful that my biggest problem right now in my life is working on being more patient. And I am grateful. Very. I know I am the fresh prince living the sweet life of bel air right now. So I guess I'll suck it up. Arrrrrr, it is hard though.

This burrito is delicious but it is filling

Yeah, it is midnight and I just finished submitting to a dozen lit agents. The whole submission process is a roller coaster of emotion: am I too cliche, is the writing strong enough, do my armpits smell... I could be delusional. I feel like I can publish, and the next second, I feel like it's crap that britney spears could write. I don't want to categorize my story as middle grade fantasy because I pretty much hate fantasy. I prefer calling it adventure with a touch of magic. But is that just calling dramatic: passionate? Nat and Adam are reading it right now, they have given me a ton of good feedback...you think you're done and then you realize you need to revise another ten times. eeeeeh. We'll see what happens.

So we have been in Denver for a full week today. Finding a house is exhausting. The problem is that Aaron doesn't have to go into the office every day and then the office is downtown. So that leaves the entire metro area as living potential. We ruled out Evergreen (sadly, we doubled the ward's primary on sunday), Broomfield/Westminster (over rated), Littleton (too far from the airport) Lakewood (too old), Highlands Ranch (claustrophobic)...which leaves us with Golden, Parker and Posh Aurora.

We're leaning toward posh Aurora because it is about 20 minutes closer to the airport and work compared to parker. Golden's problem is the same as Evergreen's: one itty bitty ward. I'm dragging Jacqui through PAC (posh arapahoe county: my own nickname for it. It is funny though, the whole area is plastered with signs saying Blah Blah in Arapahoe County, because they are embarrassed to call it by its real name of ghetto Aurora. And it is true, about 90% of Aurora is ghetto. Just check out the schools in Aurora on greatschools.net. The majority of elementaries rate 1's and 2's. You gotta try to earn that low. Of course all the schools in PAC are 10's and 9's. A definite plus.) on Thursday.

We're going through five potentials...but I really only like 2. Aaron is soo thorough, he researches everything mega in depth. The positive, when he finally makes a decision: it's a good one. The negative: ten years. We only have our rental for three more weeks. We could close in that time if we made an offer this weekend. But I don't think Aaron can do that. That would be too spontaneous for him. School starts for lauren on Aug 18th. We need to commit and get over it. We will always be able to find another house that has potential. They say home buying is an emotional decision...although we've researched/driven/sleuthed till no emotion is left. Every day I drive the neighborhoods evaluating everything for a couple of hours. The girls have been super troopers. Although, I think tomorrow we'll just lay around the pool. I'm wiped of house shopping.

seriously? Who throws a shoe?

The government bailing out the housing market is a terrible no good slippery slope to further shackle us into government dependence. Wow, are we no longer responsible for our own actions? Good or bad: we need accountability, not gov't bail out.

I can't believe it's not butter

Toni sent me this blog for kicks and giggles today: http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/. The blog is a mockumentary but it encapsulates a lot of mormon pop culture and behavior. This behavior is exactly why all of our non-member friends think Mormons are ridiculous. And sure, we're all ridiculous for different reasons; I'm constantly living on my own elevation of crazy. But after reading three entries of this thing, I threw up a little in my mouth. Why? Because while this may be a farce, I can name at least ten girls from my ward that fit this personification. Don't get me wrong, they are sweet spirits (and a few, I consider friends) but all the scrapbooking/stephanie-meyers-harliquin-mormon-romance/Janice Kapp/fluffy kitten poop makes blood shoot from my eyes.

I have an opinion...

NuvaRing is grotty.

Holy sh!t, holy sh!t, a swordfish almost went through my head

It is funny how opposite life can change in just seven years. Seven years ago, I would have given my lung to miss a period and know that I was pregnant. I fell to my knees in gratitude when we found out we were pregnant with Lauren. Those few years of infertility were a miserable, awful, no good time. And it was a pathetic struggle compared to others (like my cousin Candace who did invitro twice before she got her son). When we finally figured out what was wrong with me, having kids became easy. I'd pop a clomid pill and in 1-4 months I would get pregnant. Problem solved. No need for birth control, my eggs didn't release on their own. We became foot loose and fancy free. Oh course, Morgan's miracle combustion really threw off my life plan: clomid for four and then let a miracle happen if we needed more. Of course the miracle came after 3. And I'm barely treading with four. So now I live in constant fear of getting pregnant. I actually took the mini pill while I was nursing. But now that Morgan is on the bottle, I need stronger insurance. Nance gave me some, but I can't start it till after my monthly plague ends.

Which brings me to today. I took a pregnancy test today. I'll end the suspense: it was negative. It was an over precaution, I henny-pennyed for sure. But now I can sleep in peace. Sweet relief. If I could tell my 7-year-ago self that I would be celebrating a negative today, I think it would be incomprehensible.

you're killing me smalls

I have issues with spiders: they run fast--sometimes jump (at you), they are covered in visible hair (I hate hair too, but that's another entry on its own), and they are sneaky. All cons if you ask me when discussing desirable traits of bugs. And what is up with the freezing! He nearly jumps on me while I'm posting my Bryn trauma on the brava awards and now he is frozen as if I have the courage to kill him or something. shew. I think it is a wolf, which I know are generally harmless but look at him: he's the beast! Swine spider, don't you know I have issues, serious spider-fearing issues.

When we were in denver, our real estate agent, Grandma Jacqui, informed us that they don't have too many bugs--mostly spiders. This did not help my aging heart. So of course all of those mountain homes are lathered in small eight-legged freaks (yes, I've seen this b-rate movie with Aaron). I've been leaning more toward Evergreen. We just found this great looking cabin thing: delicious evergreen. It is making the prairie look boring. Although, my mom met someone from Evergreen, she loves it, but said you can't have pets outside because of the cougars. Cougars. I know Provo has them too but Provo isn't smack dab in the forest. I would expect the cougars to hunt Ava in Evergreen. Of course, today I would probably let them.

Today has been one of those: one step forward, three back. When I feel it is going to be a day like that, I should just back off and weather the day. But I don't, I push through and we're all miserable for it. Ava has been a banchee. She kept the other girls up till nine--and then I moved her to a crib. She wasn't pleased. oh well. I should probably get to bed. Lauren's birthday is tomorrow. Kangaroo Zoo here we come.

Nevaeh sidebar: A kid's book just released called the Puddlejumpers. This threw me a fast one because my book is The Puddlejump Adventures. The books are not related as far as plot goes, so I think I'll be okay. I just need to come up with another name for my Puddlejumpers...I'm thinking Puddlekeepers (but this may be too close in title still) and Leaplings.

Yaw Mule, Yaw Yaw

We did it. We're out of the house. Aaron came home an hour after the movers pulled away with the truck. So I 99.9875% moved us by myself. Aaron pulled some nails and took care of the fish tank. Yes I plan to rub this in for the next twenty years. I think I've earned it...Aaron disagrees. The house is suppose to close today. Swine underwriters postponed the closing.

Right now we're living la vida wilson. So far so good. This week we plan to spend as much time with friends as possible. The kids are going to hate the car by the end of the week.

moving lowlight: While cleaning the bathrooms, I went to the kitchen to get something and walked into a fart from one of the movers. He didn't mean to dust me but I immediately regretted the decision to buy them burritos for lunch that day.

gimme, gimme, gimme. daddy needs his feel good juice.

I have a problem: I broke down and purchased a VitaminWater today. I PAID. I clearly need help...possibly counseling or some sort of support group for flavored-water addicts. Seriously though, I have crazy-messed-up-buster-fiending when it comes to juice or adequate juice alternatives (like savory VW).

moving sidebar: moving companies are a dream--or at least when you have "professionals." I am having the opposite of a Livy moving experience, and I am luv'n it! The house is all boxed and we load tomorrow.

I'm really going to miss our neighborhood, house, school, park...the kids are doing okay so far.

Tooth fairy sidebar: Lauren got a dollar and a note from the tooth fairy thanking Lore for putting her tooth in a note. It was much easier to find....damage: controlled. Although, I reluctantly need to give up on my ten-year plan of becoming a ninja...she woke up twice from my crappy skills of slipping under a pillow. What am I going to do when insomniac Ava loses a tooth? Maybe I should look further into ninja training. I do have a purple belt... If I did train, I would want to focus on tiger...I know everyone says dragon, and dragon is sweet. I'm just more of a tiger. (its my nature and my nerdish sublayer...Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: it's in my top ten favorite movies of all time. Who doesn't like kung fu set to YoYo Ma?)

you're dead to me, more dead than your dead mother

I am a dirtbag mother today. I blew it. So the movers come tomorrow, and the faveros are in town and Aaron came home yesterday for Father's Day but left this morning for CA. So its a bit busy right now. Still no excuse. Of course, Lauren lost a tooth last Friday. Not just any tooth, her first tooth. I made her wait for Aaron to get home before she put it under her pillow. So last night, she neatly tucked her tiny tooth under the pillow and went to sleep. Her first experience with the tooth fairy and I blew it. Aaron and I were so consumed with moving BS that I forgot. Lauren was so broken hearted this morning. She thought the tooth fairy didn't like her tooth. Aaron and I felt like scum bags. So we tried to come up with a bunch of reasons why the fairy might have missed the tooth. Tonight, I had Lauren write a note and tape her tooth to it. I got her to believe that her tooth was so small that it got lost under her pillow and the tooth fairy just couldn't find it. It seems to be working. I'm still a dirt bag.

t-t-t-t-today junior

I am in slow mo. I should have the girls and myself packed for the next month by now (according to my moving-checklist). The bags and inventory are out, yet I didn't quite finish. Tomorrow, I need to finish packing, run to the bank, get a father's day something for aaron and my dad, make cafe rio pork and sides for a party, call the swine roofer, pack the wii, oh a million other things I can't remember right now. I'm dragging my feet because I'm not quite ready for the moving gauntlet. But the more I drag, then the gauntlet gets worse. Writing this all out right now is only stressing me more. This is no good. The ladies are going to love me tomorrow when I crack my whip....

Aaron and I finally saw Indiana Jones while we were in Denver. Lucas is falling apart. First JarJar, now Shia Leboof (or whatever the crap his name is, he's just a no-talent ass clown). If they make another series of Indiana Jones with Shia, I'm going to be pissed. I love Raiders, this was not Raiders. But it was better than Temple of Doom...well, maybe that's giving it too much credit. There were some crazy cheesy parts in Crystal Aliens.

sweet nectar of life

I'm mildly addicted to VitaminWater. It is delicious. As a juice hound, I delight in its balance of flavor and water. Other flavored waters pale in comparison. VitaminWater tastes like delicious juice. I can swallow a 16oz in three gulps. Sure, Aaron's argument (that I can't even taste it) is valid. But I straight up love the stuff.

Aaron had the hook up for free VitaminWater when he was at Ogio. I had cases of the stuff. But now that he's no longer at Ogio, my supply has become scarce. I'm down to my last three Defenses. I'm savoring them now. I'm not about to pay for it, but come on. I need my juice. I suggested to Aaron that he could work out a trade for RedBull. He doesn't think this is a good idea since they are a competitor and have been cannibalizing employees. This is no good--I need to reactivate my VW hookup.

prune candy

A week has flown by...we only have one more week in the house. It is weird to think that this is the last Sunday in our ward. We are going to miss our neighborhood and our friends. As always, I'm ready for a new adventure. Kids, of course, complicate it.

This past weekend Aaron and I did a whirlwind tour of Denver in the quest to find a house. It is complicated. If it were just Aaron and I, we would have made an offer on a house in Evergreen this weekend. But we have kids, so we're torn. Evergreen is gorgeous but it is a mountain town about 45 minutes out of downtown Denver (where Aaron's office is) and it has one ward (which may or may not have a Primary). This is problematic. The greater Denver suburbs of Broomfield, Westminster, Parker and Highlands Ranch are compact overpriced houses with no yard. We were not impressed. But they guarantee huge Primaries, community pools, and neighborhood playmates. Everything the kids could hope for. We're pitting the mountains vs. community. We don't understand why all the people want to live so close together. If you want over a .25 acre, you're looking at 500K+. Who thought it would be a good idea to put a 4500 sq ft home on a 5500 sq ft lot! This is coo coo! Bryn could spit on the neighbors from the backyard. yikes.

Of course we found a great house in Parker on 2 acres but the bastard is a short sale. So our real estate agent doesn't want to touch it. We still might pursue it when we get there in July.

Aaron's out of town till Sunday. I get to clean, pack, and wrestle kids. I love it. It is the best. It is fantastic.

it's so much easier when seafoam green is in fashion

I gave a copy of my book to Porter today. I hope he likes it. He and Addy are my target audience, so here's hoping when they read it.

I have a copy for Aaron to critique too. He cracks me up. He knows a bunch of the story because I'm constantly trying different parts of the plot on the girls. The book is pure fiction; but when I was reading a piece of it to the girls, he stopped me and told me I needed to rework a section because it wasn't believable. It's child adventure fantasy! It is suppose to be unbelievable. He felt I made one of my characters too fickle and needed a better explanation for why. He cracks me up because he loves imaginative stuff but it has to meet certain standards of plausibility. Mr. Semantics at his best. Although it is great for me, because he makes me rethink and create a more believable imaginary world.

So while my critics have it, I'm writing my query letter and shipping it to agents. Here's hoping. I'm going to contact my old professor Linda Adams, to see if she knows anyone. Because the book business is more connection than talent.

I fly out to meet Aaron in Denver tomorrow. I'm more excited for a quiet weekend alone than house shopping. We'll see if we find anything.

I'ff Mario Lopez

wow. the past two weeks in a nutshell: listing our house, cleaning it spotless, driving to NorCal, camping in Santa Cruz, getting and accepting an offer on our house, doing vacation laundry (ewww, I hate that Bob Barker), editing my book, oh and losing my mind. Let me elaborate:

So RedBull is requiring that we use a real estate agent, whatever. Two weeks ago, Kenna, our agent, (is her name Kenna because she comes from a house of all girls and her dad wanted to pass on his name Ken or did her parents just think they were clever? My mom keeps pressing that we call our next girl Paula...to pass on Aaron's first name Paul, yeah, that's not going to happen.) didn't even have a sale sign outside or our house on the MLS but she brought through a couple that she has been helping to find a house. They loved it.

Then two days later, when we left for Santa Cruz, the couple went to our ward to see if it was good. She introduced herself in RS as looking to buy our house. Yeah, the RS went nuts. Poor Heidi freaked out because her house has been for sale for six months and she lives five houses down. Anyway, they loved the ward and made an offer on Monday while we were in Sacramento.

We accepted and then went camping with all faveros in Santa Cruz. This is a Memorial Day tradition. Best thing about the past two weeks: sound of the ocean, sand between my toes. Of course, camping with four children all under five is not a vacation. Poor Bryn touched hot coals twice. Only second degree burns, so no emergency room catastrophe but my goodness child, no touchy! By the end of the week, Aaron and I were wasted. And then we got in a car with these banchees and drove ten hours back to Utah.

We got home on Monday. This week has been Grandma detox, Lauren's last week of school, laundry week from hell, and now I need to break Ava. She's turned into a wild beast child.

So I printed a copy of my book and took it with me, I meant to send it to my editors, but decided one more round of edits while on vacation wouldn't hurt. This was a very good thing. Seeing it in print, I was able to catch a lot of rookie mistakes such as: she began, he began quickly. So I'm making the changes tonight, and hopefully, if I find time tomorrow, will print my readers' copies. Even if I don't publish, I'm so crazy proud of myself for doing this. It has been everything I hoped it could be...and it is almost checked off my life list.

So yeah, that's a catch up on my life. We're closing on our house on June 19, then we're homeless. Aaron and I are headed to Denver next week. We're debating between Broomfield and Evergreen. Evergreen is a tiny mountain town about a half hour out of Denver. It is gorgeous but still has snow. We'll see what we find. seacrest out.

I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver

I really need an escape pod today.

KHAAAANNNN!

I am making it official: Webkinz suck for parents of children that can't read. We are now the proud parents of five webkinz in puke varieties of pink pony, fluffy kittens, and pink poodle. What kind of girls am I raising? If they didn't come out of me I would have sworn they weren't mine. Why did I buy these puke pets, because I love my kids and fight the urge to mold. Plus, I owned a white unicorn named "Uni" (duh) that I took with me to school and chased the boys with it. So it would be hypocritical to bag on Janie and Panie.

My bane is the website. Lauren can read but not well enough to navigate the arcade and quizzes. So I help my ladies in their daily care of these digital friends. Of course, my girls purchased the swimming pool blowing all their money on it and other riparian entertainment. Unfortunately, they didn't have a backyard to put all the fun. So the most awesomest mother that I am, I helped them earn the $1k to buy a backyard. I took 5 excruciating quizzes. These simple tests last a millennium. 50 questions per quiz which counts down to 5 before showing you answers and then asks you to click yes after every question to see if you are ready to go on. Murderous. At $250 a quiz they're the quickest way to get loads of cash money. So of course, I straight up hate webkinz world right now. swine webkinz jobs, I haven't been able to hold one yet!

merely a flesh wound

So Aaron's friend from work, DQ, went on a Philippines vacation two weeks ago. While there, he and his friends hiked around and on one of their hikes, DQ got a cut on his foot. They have no idea what he cut his foot on. The next morning, DQ woke up with a swollen throbbing foot that had a small black line crawling up his leg. Wisely they rushed to the 3rd-world hospital and got DQ on some anti biotic. Nothing doing, the infection got worse. By the next day in the hospital they didn't know if DQ was going to live. They decided to amputate his left leg from the knee down. At the time, DQ says this was a blessing because of the pain and trouble he was in. He called Aaron last monday with the news that he would not be into work on account that he was missing a leg.

This shook Aaron. He's been having a hard time coping with the shock. Watching him internalize his friend's misfortune has been difficult for me. Aaron is an incredibly loving and caring person and I'm watching him struggle with how to ease his friend's burden.

Aaron went to see DQ this morning before flying off to work. All things considered, DQ is doing well...we just hope this experience reactivates him.

frack

Last night while I was working on my book, Aaron watched Snatch next to me on his ipod. I was insanely jealous and actually debated not writing. Why? Because I have a severe weakness for (rated r) British comedies. Lock Stock, Hot Fuzz, Bridget Jones, Snatch, Sean of the Dead, Shakespeare in Love, Sliding Doors, Death at a Funeral, 4 Weddings ...I can go on and on. I love them. For some reason I'm completely un-offended when a Brit uses the f*** word. It is almost comical. Anyway, I need to get cracking on my book so ta ta.

One last thought: I cannot name one of my main characters to save my life. I've tried 4 different names on him and I hate them all. I'm struggling. I've only one more week till I give a copy to Addy and Porter. Maybe I could let one of them name him...but then I'm stuck with what they choose. Arrrrgh.

A frack'n sidebar: Yes I'm referencing something when I use the word frack. It is a shameful pleasure. So shameful I cannot reveal its origins, mainly because it buoys my nerdish sublayer. But maybe this is the first step to recovery...it is a little over drama this season.

blurg

I'm beginning to feel the stress of getting the house ready for selling and moving. We're having movers come but I'm trying to dewinter and dejunk so nothing moves with us that we won't need. I'm finding that this is not a small task. Where does all the crap come from? Or at least, why are we holding on to so much stuff. I don't know what kills me more: the stuff or that I have to call Aaron to verify if it is ok to chuck certain things...like my old MAC from college. We've moved it twice without removing it from the box, and yet I know this is hard for Aaron to let it go. Marriage is about give and take.

I just want to retire and create a currency for dogs and cats

Aaron gave his two-weeks today. It is official-ficial. We are moving to Denver and Aaron is going to work for Red Bull. He starts on the 12th.

So when he went into Wunderli and dropped the I'm actually leaving, Wunderli was really cool. We'll see if they're nice tomorrow when they fully comprehend what this means for them. They have no one internally that can do Aaron's job, so they're really screwed. Wunderli began to realize this as he was talking to Aaron. He kept repeating two weeks. Aaron feels bad for the people that actually work there who will have to pick up the pieces but HOORAY! And hooray for finally getting out of Utah. I was beginning to believe this would never happen.

Now my life is revolving around getting the house ready to sell by dejunking and packing away winter. We're planning on listing the place when we get back from Santa Cruz. Because Utah is part of Aaron's territory, RedBull said he could work from Utah till the house sells. This will be good but we would still like to move before school starts for Lauren. We'll see what happens. It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips.

That green glowing, yeah not to many people can do that

I know two fundamental truths right now:

1. That I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
   
2. That Wii Mario Kart is sweeeet.
   

Not there. There.

On Sunday, I taught Relief Society. It went well, I didn't sweat (thank you Degree for Women Clinical Strength), and I think I covered all the main points of the lesson. Anyway, before RS started, I was sitting with Holly and talking about something when the 2nd Counsellor came up and asked if I was ready and if I needed any help setting up? At this moment I realized she was referring to the empty table covered with a lace tablecloth. I had no table display. I don't believe in them, so I had brought nothing. I held up my manual and said I'm all set. She smiled and said great. But she was clearly thrown and I'm sure this poor woman was stressing the empty table display. After she left, I turned to Holly and said, "Should I have brought something? It's just not my style." She answered No. And then we discussed the added value of the table display. There is nothing wrong with them, I just don't think about doing them. I focus on the lesson. My mother is the master of the table display. Anyway, to set the RS presidency at ease, I offered my pencil at the beginning of the lesson (that I also was using to prove a point) as my table display. This got laughs and a relieved smile from the 2nd counsellor.

she lost her job and she lost her Tony, and she lost her mind...

So today I am calling it: it is officially the second worst week of being a mother. (The first worst week of course was the week Aaron was out of town and all four girls got the superbug where they all took turns puking and pooping all over everything.) This week started with Ava and Morgan coming down with mega fevers. After a couple of trips to the doctor's office, it was concluded that they had roseola and handnmouthnfootnsomething virus. Good times. Bryn just came down with the fever this morning, so I'm expecting my best week ever to continue a bit longer. Anyway, my week has consisted of lots of crying, holding, pacing, and not sleeping. This week I think I averaged between 3-4 hours of sleep a night, which helped me realize that I need at least a solid 6 to function at normal. I have high hopes for tonight since Morgan is somewhat on the mend.

This week has been particularly choice because I've also had a PMSing 5-year old. The teenage years are going to be devastating, I'm going to get my mother's curse four fold. We've had lots of talks about not acting like little Verruca Salt. I think it was Wednesday when all the girls were going nuts, and I couldn't take it anymore. So I decided to try Sunny's idea of having a party to swing the mood. When there was a lull in the crazy, I told all the girls to go get dressed up fancy because we were going to have a party. They loved the idea and immediately began to get ready, putting on dress ups, party shoes, fancy tights, jewelry, hats, the works. Only now I became Cinderella: Mom, where's my purse? Mom, I don't have a hat? Mom, she has more necklaces than me. I was not pleased, so we had another ladies chat. Twenty minutes later, we piled in the car and headed to SmartCookie. After several threats to turn the car around, we managed to walk into SmartCookie with no one crying. We had some cookies and went home...the dark cloud above our house lifted slightly but I do not recommend the party idea.

The only things lifting my swollen baggy eyes this week: my Glad vanilla scent trash bags--heaven in a trash can--and Wii Mario Kart, Aaron's going to get in in two hours. Love Mario Kart. Although GameCube mario kart not as good as N64.

Here's a lesson for you and me, cuz I'm no fool.

Last night I had a weird dream. For some reason I had handfuls of quarters and I was suppose to go to this convenient store to use one of those coin machines that takes your coins and gives you dollars. So I stuck a quarter in, but before I could add another quarter, the machine spit out a twenty dollar bill. I stuck in another quarter, another $20. I did this several times till I had at least $200-$300. I can't keep the money because that would be dishonest. So I go to the store clerk to turn the money in. The store clerk is Creed (from the office). He tells me that the machine is owned by another company and he can't take the money. He tells me to keep the money and then go and put the rest of my quarters in so that it doesn't overpay anyone else. So I think this is a good plan and put the rest of my quarters in. By the time the machine starts working properly, I have handfuls of cash money. Then I wake up.

Two things that disturb me about this dream is that one) Creed is my moral conscience. Not Jimmy Cricket, Creed! And two) that I accepted Creed's plan as a good one.

I immediately regret this decision

Ok, while we were out catting around town, I saw a Smart car on the roads. A Smart! I haven't seen these since Aaron and I were in Europe. Smart cars are ridiculously small vehicles--yeah they're not cars--that you can find all over Europe because they can park in tight spots and get fabulous gas mileage. We had heard that they were going to sell smarts in the US, but Aaron and I never believed we would actually see one.

You have to be a flaming idiot to drive a smart in America. Why? Because I could crush a smart with my left butt cheek, that's why. Seriously, golf carts would fair better than a smart in a car accident. It is only a matter of time before some "smart" idiot get crushed to death by a civic. Yeah, a GEO Metro looks like a full-size car next to a smart.

I guess if you treated your smart like a scooter you might survive. But driving in Utah, that's a death wish.

So you can go to smart and customize your American death trap. Here's mine, I call it blueberry bliss. Oh yeah, I upgraded to a cabriolet, it makes it even more ridiculous. I also got the heated seats, once you have them you can never go back. Can you imagine spending $18k on this. People are suckers. I could get a wrangler for the same price!

Is there something more than being ridiculously good looking?

Ok, I should be in bed with Aaron but I just finished working on this miserable contract job and now I just need a moment to spew my brains out.

Let it be known, from here on out I will not be taking any more contract jobs for the rest of the year...oh except I am helping STEWART! (it always feels good to shout his name) with a logo, business cards and a website...but that is it. No more. I am going to learn to say no. Why the sudden change in attitude? I am burnt out...just like I knew I would be. This current job started easy, and I finished it, then they asked for more help. But was it as easy as the last? Oh no. It sucks. I am hating on it. Thus no more contract jobs. My resume is sufficiently maintained for this year. If Aaron dies, I feel confident that I will be able to reenter the work force...yeah that's why I do it. In our old ward, one of the most inspiring women I know is raising 3 daughters after her husband died in a car crash. After it happened, she had to pick up the pieces, continue her husband's business, and raise 3 small girls 2, 5, 7. Sound familiar? Yeah, this is by far one of my biggest fears, that and a major natural disaster where I can't get to all the girls.

bleh. That felt good. now just a touch more.

So we did it, we finally found a way out of Utah. The recruiter called Aaron on Saturday, he got the job with Red Bull. Aaron's expecting a formal offer tomorrow morning. Based on what the recruiter said, it should be sweet. We'll see, I can think of a lot of sweetness. Denver here we come. Aaron has been daydreaming all weekend about the eat poo faces Ogio will have when they get the news. Although we need to burn about a week and a half of PTO, so I'm not sure when he will drop that bomb. I feel fine about Aaron working for Red Bull, but every once in a while I have the moral debate of whether a mormon should be promoting a caffeine-charged product. Aaron's job is to promote the brand vs the product but isn't that just selling Joe Camel to the kids? Yeah, I'll get over it. A few years with Red Bull will boost Aaron's resume, then hopefully Nike will come a calling. Or maybe we'll just do our own thing. We are stoked to be closer to Ry and Christy.

So on to my new thing: you know, in my spare time (which is mostly on the toilet or in the shower), I've been developing a business plan for my own retail store. It will be located next to Aaron's snowboard/skate shop...and preferably next to a grocery and movie theatre. I recognize I can't have my store now, swine kids, so this is part of my 5 year plan, once the ladies are all in school. I'm going to have a cookie cafe called: Deliciousity. I will sell about 20 different varieties of fabulous cookies, including Jonathan's monster cookie, banana chocolate chip, and some other delights. I also plan to sell my left over cookiedough as frozen ready-to-bake cookies and other fab ideas. Oh, I'll have a slurpee self-serve as well, because, frankly, slurpees are delicious...this is also leveraging my original idea of creating a mormon bar in Provo: you know, a place to hang out that sells just self-serve soda, slurpees, hot chocolate, juice, any drink really. My mormon bar was going to be named: Drank. You know, so you can go get your Drank on. I should probably trademark that. Of course after some research (Jonathan helped because at first he thought it would work too), we concluded that mormons are too cheap and that our average sale would only be about $2. So the volume would have to be insane to make any real money. I don't know, I still believe in Drank. I think if a hot dog stand can do well, so can Drank.

I think I have emptied my mind enough. Hopefully now Morgan will stay asleep. She always wakes up when I go to bed. I have rings like saturn under my eyes right now. cheers

Nevaehen sidebar: I'm getting closer. My birthday 5/14 is going to be the drop date for a readable version of my children's adventure novel. Porter and Addy are going to be my first editors. I better get cracking, I still want to run another round of edits over it before then.