skills

I have an incomprehensible ability to take on more than I can do. I don't take on one challenge at a time, master it and complete to perfection. Instead I take on 3-7 challenges at a time, do them pretty good, and burn myself out. Then I do nothing until I itch to check more things off my imaginary checklist. And then I rinse lather and repeat. This is my M.O.: Jack of all, master of none. I hate that. So then I say, I'm going to master something and I focus for like 4-6 weeks, until I itch to take on more, which I always do. And then I'm in the weeds again. For example, right now I am:

1. writing a book,
   
2. picking up another contract job,
   
3. taking care of 4 little kids,
   
4. building a loverson blog,
   
5. trying to pay a little attention to Aaron,
   
6. working out to get my momma butt back into my size 4 jeans,
   
7. and now I'm debating about picking my guitar up again and really practicing.
   

Boo hoo right? Everyone has tons of crap going on. But I desire to do all of these things really well which presents a time management issue and a reshuffling of priorities. And then when I don't meet my own standards for a job well done, I beat myself up. So do I take on too much so that I sabotage myself from succeeding? So that when I fall short I can say, well I was doing too much at the time. For example, right now I'm revising Nevaeh and I'm thinking about pushing back my revision deadline to accommodate all the other stuff. But that frustrates me because it is the one thing, the only thing I want to accomplish the most (for myself). I'm already sacrificing sleep (I rarely go to bed before 2am) and time with Aaron. He's being incredibly supportive, I love him--but then that's what's pulling me back from finishing. It's as if I see the finish line and I stop to run another race.

I'm an idiot for taking on the contract job. I just suffer from the inability to say no. And this one really builds my writing portfolio. Maybe it will go fast and be easy...it appears to be so far. We'll see though.

Alright, enough blah blah. I need to take care of Morgan. A quick sidebar: we get to take her into public next week. Hurray for not having to be a RSV nazi anymore. cheers.

After reading this, I'll let the guitar sit till this summer.