Recently I found out a friend is struggling in their marriage. They're going on 15 years together. It seems to be a common theme among many couples we know that hit the over 13. One of my friends admitted that year 14 was by far their worst. Law, (yeah I've been stuck on The Help all week) Aaron and I have had a roller coaster ride of a marriage. Is it because I'm crazy, perhaps? But he has an equal crazy that makes us balance out in the end. At least I think it does.
Since we've hit the over 10, we've found we actually fight, I mean, vigorously discuss issues less and less. In fact, minus the dog (whom I will always love/hate), I can't remember our last argument. Mostly the struggle, at this point, is just living with each other and the things we know we can't change. It is brutal, the things that drive Aaron crazy are also things I can't stand about myself. But it seems, even when I'm trying to be better, I still fall short.
Many days, I feel Aaron and I are polar opposites. And other days, I feel like my challenge is just to live with a MAN, not just Aaron. If Aaron were gone suddenly, I think I truly would become a hermitesque man hater. Well maybe not that extreme, but you get the idea.
What holds us together on the off days: the promised reward of this challenge called life and marriage. I heard a really great talk once, where the speaker said: remember your spouse at their best, when you truly fell for them, and then realize that's what eternity will be like. (Not now in the thick of the marriage when it's a struggle to be selfless or even touching.) I know I want an eternity of the best Aaron. So the rest of it is just life. . . a short, short life that we'll eventually remember as a blink.
2 comments:
It really makes me sad when I hear that couples are having problems, especially when they have been married a while. Well, really any amount of time. I feel pretty blessed because over all Sean and I get along really well. I always tell him that we must have other problems and trials we will have to deal with because we get along so well. I think it really comes down to keeping that eterna perspective like you said. Remember your spouse at their best, because really (hopefully) they are at their best 90%+ of the time. It is that 10% or so that people can't let go of.
how long have you been married now? 13?
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